Be U

Be motivated!

Be self motivated!!

Did you hear me?

I said, Be self motivated!!!

When I was younger I was always told to look for the light at the end of a tunnel. It was a way of encouraging patience in a teenager, of making us learn to work at things till they were fully formed. In some form it also encouraged delayed gratification ,but I presume some others might view it as a coping mechanism for the feeble. A way to numb the mind to unpleasant situations. It is perhaps for this reason that another version of the quote had to be created and it goes thus,

‘I got tired of waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, I lit the place up.’

A tunnel is a passageway dug underground by man or animals, it often has both an exit and an entrance. Going through a tunnel situation in life, is to get stuck underground/hidden by a difficult situation. Moles live underground in tunnels, they are solitary animals with poor eyesight. Moles sense the presence of other animals using their snouts but  they are unable to see theses animals clearly.  Though these adaptive features might seem like a barrier to a fun filled life, it is a preservation mechanism for the mole. I suppose we could learn a lesson from the mole, if it decides to light up the tunnel what would happen to it? 

mole-animal-wikipedia-the-free-encyclopedia
Free images on bing

 

I suppose it  would be able to spot other animals easily (predator, prey and friends alike), on the other hand the light might also expose the mole to new predators. The light might also throw the mole off it’s natural clock, as moles are known to work and rest in alternate four hour shifts. Granted we are not moles, however, life has a way of weaving the lessons into the tendrils of our surrounding. Lighting up the tunnel isn’t a problem, but doing so as a mark of self sufficiency, a defiance of natures cycle seems like a conveyor belt  heading towards emotional zombie land.

Be motivated, be self motivated, but do not strive to be self sufficient. To have the right skills, right timing, right lighting, right opportunity, speak the right words….. Everything right, courtesy of our personal endeavours. Don’t get me wrong, self-sufficiency is an admirable trait, one that actually acknowledges it’s need for help or support when necessary.  

My husband often starts every observation with these words ‘If it were me, I won’t/would have …’ , and 9/10 times it rubs me the wrong way. I finally discovered why the statement annoys me, it rustles up the competitive side of me. The problem with an overwhelming sense of self -sufficiency is that it magnifies your weakness when no one is looking. It makes you sensitive to things that perhaps shouldn’t raise the hairs on your skin. Everyone is different and your area of weakness might not be mine. Asking for help or turning circumstances around to protect your mental or physical well being isn’t weakness. It is an acknowledgement of your reality and how best to make it work such that you don’t endure the present while reaching for that bright future.

Work by principles not recommendations subject to individual attributes. For example; the saying ‘there is light at the end of the tunnel,’ stands a higher chance of being true and standing the test of time than ‘light the tunnel up’ as the second is subject to many variables and stands the chance of boomeranging.

Be motivated!

Be self-motivated!!

But do not neglect the push that another pair of hands can provide. Do not look down on others if they ask for support. Social media has taught us to out-source the issues that are subjective to personal choices eg fashion, what success is, how love should make us feel, etc. However, on the areas that matter; jobs, what love should and shouldn’t do to us, areas where we might need and should seek support we have decided to play Rambo, to keep it all tucked in shut. On the flipside some of us decide to turn it into a movie, for everyone to watch. 

Be motivated!

Be self-motivated!! 

But don’t become wrapped up in self, such that the world shrivels before you and all you see are your eyeballs. Be self motivated – be balanced.

Be U …. open to support, different thoughts etc. 

 

Advertisements

Woman where art thou?

I remember lying down flat on the red dusty gravel filled soil in front of my secondary school dormitory, I remember wondering what did I ever do to deserve this?

I remember the demands of a ‘senior girl’ that I fill her cup with beverages from my provision; I remember being sent to kneel down for an hour under the scorching sun for not obliging the request.

I remember feeling out of place for being a girl, sometimes enjoying its benefits, other times absolutely abhorring its natural calls.

I remember crying my eyes out as they teased me for having a boyfriend in junior secondary school, I remember smiling as an undergraduate after a date.

I remember smiling at my aunt’s kids, thinking how much fun it would be to have a baby, I remember looking at my daughter at four months and wondering if I could ship her to my mum for a while.

I remember sitting at home pregnant with my daughter wishing the four walls each played one of my favourite movies or served as portals to my favourite places. I remember catching a forty-five-minute bus each way to school and back, going to work when I could while logging around my ever growing tummy.

I remember feeling content with speaking to dear ones through social media thankful the drama of sharing personal space was cut out, I remember wishing I had my mom with me in the labour room.

I remember that through all these times I have always felt that I had no choice but to be strong.

I remember feeling the need to make sure my burden hung squarely on my shoulder and on no other. I remember wishing I could become a child again.

This is my personal journey and most of it has been my choice, while others have been thrust on me my circumstances. It’s interesting to see a come thread running through my journey, a myth that I have come to believe at an early age; the myth that every real woman is strong, able to shoulder every challenge. I absolutely scoffed at women/girls who cried so easily, women/girls who worked their wiles on others to get their way. I especially find it hard to cajole people, a trait that makes me a poor salesperson except when on a mission. And after many years of being me ‘the way I wanted’, motherhood has shaped me into someone who has to embrace every facet of herself.

20180106_151404

I have learned to cry simply to relieve my tension, to not feeling worried that others might see me as weak or manipulative, because if they feel that way perhaps they feel guilty for not doing enough.
I am learning how to make both impromptu and well thought out decision through checklists.
I am learning to refine my communication skills, realising that patience is very important to the process.
I am adapting to the possibility that living day by day does not make my life less impactful than having high powered dreams/goals. I am accepting that it might be slow but it is not meaningless.

As I read the three waves of the feminist movement I can’t help wondering what the main goal of each wave was, I find myself coming back to the word choice. Without choices, life would probably be crippling, both mentally and physically. Everyone wants the right of way on the narrow streets of life. Sadly this is not possible, thus the need for rules and laws, but if the law gives right of way to Mercedes or Nissan brands only hasn’t it failed in being equitable? This is perhaps why road signs/instructions address car dimensions and potential and not brands.

Humans much like cars come in different dimensions, and varying horse powers regardless of similar dimensions. I don’t know much about cars but I assume it would be unrealistic to expect all cars with a 2.0 engine to perform exactly the same way. There are several factors which would impact on its performance including brand, model, driver, country of use, other components etc. All these factors determine the pricing of these cars. Women(men) are in the same way similar and it’s my belief that what most women want is to be treated in ways that respect their individuality, giving them room to accomplish their dreams.

Whether in their personal or professional lives women want to have the right to progress in any direction. They don’t expect rules to favour Mercedes above Nissan, rather they want rules that keep everyone safe on the road. Choice …. choice. Sadly this idea offends many, for a choice in the corporate world might ultimately cement the place of choices in the community. It is as though the world prefers to confer rights on a maladjusted man rather than any woman. Sometimes a Childs’ choice seems more valued than a woman, we rather prefer that which might be seen as frivolous than one which requires thoughtful and considerate engagement.

Man(woman) goes to work and has his(her) thoughts, ideas, dreams, confidence, and person evaluated, probed; he(she) has his choices weighed and placed before him(her) on a daily bases. They return home hoping to have those choices affirmed and supported on a daily bases. This expectation is the bane of many modern homes, the somewhat unrealistic expectation that every choice we make will be the same with our partners.

We have taught our sons the act of having the final say, of laying down the rules, of taking charge without knowing what they are actually in charge of. We have taught our daughters the perfect timing for the first word, the perfect sequence for following instructions, the act of supporting missions without teaching them how to spot impossible missions. 20180106_174851

We failed to teach both how to construct the middle bit of the conversation, how to get to build up to an amicable conclusion. We have taught them to imagine a beautiful end but equipped them for a bloody battle of wits, choices, manipulative skills and little about integrity in the confines of a small room with an audience of one. But that’s a discussion for another day.
Where are your choices taking you? What sort of woman are you becoming?

Your tears are not your shame
Your scars are no regrets
Your strength is not in words
Your weakness is not in silence
defined by a moment you are not
shaped by moments you will be
live those moments truly and wholly.

Choices come at a price but certainly not the price of being superhuman. Society has equated a woman who wants the same privilege for the same role/responsibility as a woman who wants to be a man. Should choices take away from our masculinity or femininity? If my husband asks for help lifting heavy items does that make him less masculine or me less feminine? Earning more or less, exploring my potential doesn’t change my gender or does it? Or should it.? How I chose to display my feminine side is subject to me, some people will earn more income and undergo personality changes, others won’t, should this be the bases for rules?

In my opinion, the only feminine movement that counts is that which protects the individual woman, giving her room to grow and blossom. To explore her choices, curbing them only when they mitigate harmfully against another. They say we are our own worst enemies and it is true. When last did you complement, support or encourage another woman?

There is a universal truth: we can’t have it all, however, there is another truth: we always have something to add, to own.

What’s your choice worth?

Tailored

The fabric of my life

a pattern above my head

is nothing short of typical days

a messy crisscross of stiches

hemming together

a dress

a shirt

a …..

Restart again

The fabric of my life

an apparel perfect to form

a weaving of colours

shimmering as the sun

shinning as the moon

hemmed together,

a piece

two pieces

three layers

Restart again….

The fabric of my life

as told by the seamstress

is a beauty

less seen, more felt

yet a while before it is complete.

 

 

Level up

Like shadows on a plain
A solidarity in depth we share,
seemingly oblivious of our varying frame.

20180130_103026.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like rising shadows from the vale,

A disparity in height emerges,

youthful gale an illusive veil.

 

Like shadows in the dark,

A blade carving slowly through illusions heart 

reality dawns with a harsh bark.

 

Like shadows embracing the light,

A rebirthing occurs 

strengthened arms ready to write.

We assume to be on the same level with others based on the visible, however some have more room for growth than others. Thus some limit themselves whilst others overestimate their capacity for growth. 

Life is very smart. Under certain circumstances you’re on top and under others you’re limited or in need of more growth. Never become complacent.

 

 

What change?

“On a micro and macro level, bad leadership gives birth to two individuals; imitators or dissenters. Both with a deeply seated weariness of leadership (good or bad), both unable to trust themselves or endure the reformative abilities of good leadership.” 

“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want to be done because he wants to do it.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

An effective leader should aim to achieve the following:
1.Visualize the future i.e. have an inspiring vision of the future.
2.Communicate and inspire people to engage with his/her vision.
3.Strategize/structure the delivery of the vision.
4.Motivate and build a team, that can achieve the vision. 

2017 was an entertaining year, a year for re-defining leadership. Political, religious, business and cultural leaders were questioned, challenged on different platforms. Some leaders fell beneath the bar, while others excelled. However, I found their response to scrutiny more interesting than their actual performance, equally entertaining was the public reaction to these responses.

From the oval office to its North Korean equivalent, a better demonstration of tyrannical, unstable leadership cannot be found. In the past, tweets from the oval office were anticipated for a profound understanding of societies ills. Presently, however, they are anticipated for a horrendous display of insensitivity to global issues and at best for satirical humor and comic relief. On the other hand we wake up each day dreading to discover an entire country has been decimated by a leader whose ego supersedes his office. Here I was thinking, wonderful things come in small sizes.

While citizens governed by the oval office are divided into three camps; those disappointed by the lack of basic leadership etiquette, those who celebrate it as they had no faith in past leadership modules and those disillusioned by any form of leadership. A different populace exists across the globe in North Korea, citizens restricted from expressing their displeasure for a fear of bodily harm. Both leaders have received cautions and sanctions from the united nations, it’s populace, neighbours, friends and enemies alike, but, all to little or no avail. When we scream for change what do we mean? A departure from the norm, a drastic departure from altruistic leadership? Change on a one-way lane powered by a one size ego, headed to fulfil a single dimension fantasy. Is that what we mean?

Going back a few years to 2015, we cried for change in Nigeria, moving forward to 2017 one cannot help wondering if we got short-changed. The year saw Aso rock riddled with bio-hazards, long periods of sick leave, blatant disregard for certain regions in the country and projection of another regions agenda. Despite public outcry on several platforms decrying the poor state of leadership, the incumbent leader seeks to project himself for leadership in 2019. Is this the change we sort? Change which produced four members of parliament earning post-humus income; if we earn a living what are they earning? A dying?

20180108_101825
What you see, determines what you demand from tomorrow.

Religious leaders weren’t spared, people challenged the need for tithes and general giving to the church. Tithe and offerings of some form has been a part of most religious bodies, a way of sustaining  their physical edifice and structural representative.   However, this act of giving has been abused with some leaders making demands on members regardless of their economic status or wellbeing. Others disburse of said funds without proper transparency or accountability. 

Equally disturbing is the seeming indifference of these leaders to societies ills especially when opportune to speak up or make impact. The lifestyle and speech of some of these leaders often contrasts with the teachings of contentment found in the scriptures.  Thus, I am not surprised by those who view the church as a fraudulent business run by expert con men. With many of them demanding a review and change to the status of the church. What change I ask? That members stop giving? That ministers live in penury? Should we re-evaluate the principles of giving? Where does faith come in?

From the streets of Hollywood to the doors of Sub Sahara Africa, women made their opinions known. A male dominated world wasn’t the way forward anymore, it wasn’t enough to set the table, it wasn’t enough to sit at the table, women want  the right to; restructure the table, populate the table, or simply change the entire setting. Feminism was redefined, sexual harassment was re-evaluated and the merits of marriage scrutinized. Once again the echo of change reverberated through the world, should we be weary of every man? Are all women innocent? If we are equals why are men still largely expected to propose? Why do we silently expect women to back down when an impasse occurs in relationships. Why not stick to merits? Why not take gender off the table?

When we cry for change we must consider the impact of such movements on the future. We must consider the goals of those against us but most importantly we must consider those who are with us, else we wake up to find the prize stolen by another. Must we pull down the entire system, isn’t there something to salvage? Perhaps more importantly we should give our best to understand the system, walking in the shoes of those held by the system before attempting to reform the system, lest we become armchair critics. People who speak for change but do not work for change, either have nothing to lose or have a lot to gain indirectly.

What change do you want?

From 2017 with love

Dear CHIOMA,

It’s good to see you once again at the brink of a new dawn; it is interesting to see how you have faired through your journey. I remember the last time we met, you had some doubts about the future but I was certain the end had drawn neigh for you. Alas we both forgot the one who stands before and within you, me moreso than you. I will never forget the moment He interrupted our dance, the moment our little tete a tete spun out of my control and settled nicely into His. Darn Him for having your deep seated attention.

All the same I will always cherish my little victories; moments when you cried, moments when you made a mountain out of a mole hill, times when you swore never to hope again. But like every good thing those moments came swiftly to an end and you sprang back into action despite your scars. If I hadn’t promised to feast on your joy I would have cheered for you and the strength that brought you to where you’re right now. Things never seem to go my way, and it’s all because of those silly words, you know the ones

‘all things work together for the good of them that love the lord blah blah blah….’

It was still fun watching you stumble and fall while you learnt the lessons He cleverly scripted into my scheme. Like when you learnt to not fear the worst possible outcome in that particular situation. I had hoped to hold that over you, to riddle you with guilt, shame, and despair. You mortals often feel failure is the end, the truth as you have learnt is rather much simpler. ‘The acceptance of failure as defined by oneself or society as an identity is the end.’ If you reject the label, the identity then you can rewrite the end of your story, which in real terms never ends until you breath your last. I guess once you discovered that lesson my grip on your reality took a nose dive.

But I still had to try, didn’t I? I mean it’s not a victory until your opponent fails to rise again and by jove that’s what you kept doing. 20171226_151906.jpgAnd as you watched your daughters bubbles fall to the ground rather than rise into the skies you acknowledged the single truth that time, chance and motive is indeed all that separates heroes from villains, mediocrity from success. You understood that though the bubbles had the inherent ability to soar they lacked the momentum and conducive environment to rise into the sky. But you also learnt that fallen bubbles regardless of stagnant conditions harbour an ability to bring joy to a little girl as she popped them even in the harsh winter breeze. Again it reminds me of words from that book again,

‘for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.’

I am not a sore looser or at least I like to think I am not but I have to say I am not pleased you got away. You can be sure  I will be visiting you again although my name will be a bit different.

Goodbye from sultry seven

Get ready to welcome sexy Eight.

 

My girl child

To my darling bud of May,

Today has been set aside to celebrate the girl child across the world so I thought why not write a note to you my very own girl child. When I first found out I was pregnant, I remember hoping with all my heart for a boy and until the sonographer said “congratulations it’s a girl,” I held unto that hope fiercely. I had nothing against the girl child, however, being a woman I had terrible premonitions of what the future would look like for you, for us as a mother-daughter team. 

See I never really understood myself as a pre-teen or teenager and if I am completely honest I still haven’t figured out everything about myself. I had visions of screaming matches, temper tantrums, pink powder explosions and dark moods vibrating off the walls. I guess the common rhetoric’s across the world hasn’t done much to calm my frayed nerves with respect to raising a girl child in today’s society.

They say it’s a mans world and my darling I must say they are not far from the truth, but who’s truth is that really? God made the world, placing male and female side by side to govern it. I guess when he told Adam to identify and name the animals, Adam decided to go one step further to name the earth calling it -Man’s world. I have no doubt he stood atop some precipice holding a branch from an oak tree while he made this life changing declaration.

I wonder what Eve was doing during this monumentus occasion? Perhaps sitting in the tree listening to the serpent mock Adam, reminding her that with the sway of her hips , the toss of her hair and puckered lips she could get Adam to do as she pleased. Sadly, she probably never considered the lengths to which her male offspring would take that declaration or how the sway of hips would end up biting her female offspring on the butt  literally. 

So is it really a man’s world? I think I will let you come to your own conclusion as you learn more about the world. However, as you observe this world I hope to show you the beauty that lies within it, but also the pain that attempts to overshadow that beauty. I hope to show you that whatever label they slap on the world, with a little hope, a little contentment, a  heart full of prayers and a sturdy cheerleading squad (ME !!!) you can make your little niche as peaceful and wholesome as one possibly can.

They say vehemently back home in Nigeria that a woman is nothing without a man. To a given extent they have started to question that line of thought, you can’t imagine how grateful I am for that slight change. But has it really changed? If the man treats the woman right as he ought they say “the woman is NOTHING without a good man” but if he treats her wrong they say “the woman is not-a-thing with a bad man”, or “the woman is nothing with a bad man”. What do they mean by all this, again I will let you decipher the meaning. 

In line with the above thoughts my daughter, I hope to show you that a woman is SOMETHING, something, some-times-a-thing, depending on how she sees herself, and how those around see her. If I don’t give you anything else my lovely child, I hope through your formative years to give you an inner voice that speaks calming and loving through corrections, and applauses alike. This I hope will draw you closer to your inner self, a self capable of shutting out the different precedents barked at the woman depending on where she finds herself. A peaceful voice that leaves no doubt in your mind that you are SOMETHING, and that sometimes in other to precipitate change it’s okay to be ‘something’ but that it is never ever okay to let yourself or anyone else make you feel like a ‘thing’.

Finally they declare strongly in the United Kingdom that the woman is equal to man. This sounds ways better than what we have back home, but is it really better? From my understanding this places the sum total of a woman’s worth subject to how the man values himself. Why isn’t she worth something simply based on who she is? Is man the zenith of perfection? The entire definition of success? Please do not misunderstand me my darling child, I am not here to preach heresy but the way I see it, Man IS, Woman IS, because God IS. If we are in his image then the only person I should desire to look like or be ‘equal’ to in potential, in right to advocate a better life for myself should be God. Once again I emphasize that I do not preach heresy, but if I must strive to attain any freedom, any height it must be to live the best godly life that I am capable of living regardless of who’s beside me.

So my darling child on this day when we celebrate the girl child I want you to know without a doubt that I will walk through the tantrums with you, I will supply the powder for the pink powder explosions and the permanent ink for colouring in the dark moods whenever they show up, if they show up. I was scared at the start but with each day I become bolder as my love for you grows. Bolder and hopefully wiser to face all our tomorrows regardless of what it throws up before us. 

20170817_131130.jpg

 

 

The story that is us.

The story that is us, is the story

of delicate tendrils stretching through red soil.

The gods foretold its future,

‘cursed is the seed left un-watered 

beneath the haze of golden rays.

For though it carries the future,

it shall wither like

the cracks on the heels of a sojourner in the desert.

The story that is us, is a story

of angry tears beating down viciously on a smile.

The gods declare 

it is a rainbow 

hope in the midst

of opposing yet interlinked natural events.

Tomorrow shall yet come,

as surely as the tortoise has a home in its shell.

The story that is us, is a story

of shoots reaching out to golden rays

beckoning for a hug.

Chanting  ‘I know not when nor how

but one day I shall spread my branches high to the heavens

and my roots down to squash hades.

The gods are bemused,

for the story that is us

is not theirs to write but for the future to unravel.

20160623_173455

 

As thy self …

I got to the bus stop minutes ahead of the bus, did my regular inventory:

Ticket ……..  X

Purse ………  X

Shopping bag …… X

Phone ….. X

Everything was in place, ready to board the bus. There’s only two of us waiting for the bus, which reduces any likelihood of having to stand for the journey. The bus pulls up right on time and my fellow passenger courteously indicates that I should board first. I confidently place my prepaid ticket on the scanner and it’s not long before reality sinks in; my ticket has expired. I reach into my purse only to discover I didn’t have enough change to pay the fare. Oh well, turns out I hadn’t done the most important inventory after all, have I? Turning to disembark from the bus, I hear the other passenger calling me back and without much ado my fare is paid.  I felt the tears start to pool in my eyes.

I could say the passenger paid my fares for several different reasons

  1. He had excess money
  2. He took pit on my bump
  3. He wanted to show he wasn’t racist (I know right, how much more political can the mind get?)
  4. Or simply it was a kind act sent my way, a reminder that the universe still had atoms of agape love floating through the stratosphere.

One could also wonder why I would get on the bus without a valid ticket or cash in my purse:

  1. Baby brain (yeap a reliable get out of jail free card)
  2. I was hoping for a miracle.( I hope for one every morning anyways)
  3. Or I thought my week long ticket would run from Tuesday to Tuesday rather than Tuesday to Monday (having only bought this for the first time). And I don’t carry extra cash because I  keep looking for random things to buy. 

Thankfully I didn’t repeat the same mistake again on my way home, however I made a different one. As a student I am entitled to a discount on my fares, but I need my identity card to get this discount. I guess you know by now how that went today, I didn’t have my ID card at hand so no discount for me. Having paid my fare, I sat down for a short reflective ride home.

I wondered how trivial life issues can be and how we sometimes derive false value and identity from the things we have and the circumstances that surround us. I could view everything that happened to me today as a serious turn of misfortune and sad occurrences in my life. I could overlook the kind act in the morning by thinking of how it should not be happening to someone like me at this stage of my life. I should have a car, I should, I should ….. 

In life our self image is revolved around three things

I am ….. who we are and whose we are. Our strengths, our weaknesses.

I have ….. what resources we have:  family, friends, money, property etc never devalue anything.

I can …. how we pull things together to help us.

But we must never anchor who we are on what we have or what we can pull together. Our core should be based on the ‘I AM’. Every other thing is subject to change and depreciation. A friend who carries you at 20 (both mentally and physically) might not be available to carry you at 60/80 for several different reasons (death, old age, falling apart, distance etc). Isn’t it amazing how the ‘I AM’ controls how you relate with the I have and I can components. You can’t receive or give what you’re not.

Love thy neighbour as thy self.

You will value your neighbour as you value your self.

I will be back …..

20170711_110003.jpgMy new car spied on my way home.

 

 

 

(RIP) Here lies …. a bundle of reactions.

As the last child it’s often impossible to escape the shadows cast by your siblings. Your name becomes obscure as many refer to you as XYZ’s little sister. The chances of people remembering your name are not very high, this is not necessarily because they don’t know it or forget it, rather they have fallen into the habit of seeing your elder ones before they see you, thus their names (your elder ones) come to mind first. I found the spoken and sometimes unspoken expectation to have me mirror the ideals, behaviours and traits of my siblings the most frustrating aspect of this shadowing effect.

I really wanted to escape the canopy effect my siblings had on my life and the opportunity to do so came in the form of university choices. I chose a school many miles from home and although my elder brother had attended the same school he had graduated long enough to dispel all shadowing effects on my life. Physically distancing myself from this phenomenon refereed to as shadowing, to a certain extent did me a world of good. It helped me find myself, to test the strength and bases of my belief, but it also highlighted how intrinsic the values and personality traits I had tried to escape were a part of me.

Perhaps one of the many lessons of growing older is the gradual realization that we are a large picture comprising of different puzzle pieces. Puzzle pieces shaped by our varied life experiences, human and cosmic encounters. The best part of the puzzle lies in the fact that different pieces can be moved around to fit the edges of our life or form the core of who we are. Secondly we can afford through due diligence to eliminate and replace certain pieces as we please, however unlike a cardboard puzzle there will always be an imprint of that  piece in our memory. 

puzzle 2.png

Memory, emotions, the mind … I suppose that’s what makes us different from the people who have shaped our lives. This ideology is supported by Karl Rogers and Erickson’s ideologies on human growth and development. Yes we are a sum of everything that happens to and around us, this might be considered by some as our true self’s. However, perhaps our true self’s doesn’t stop at this level but goes further to how we interpret those events and what we do with that interpretation.

If the saying that “we have only 10 percent control over  what happens to us and 90 percent control over how we react” is true, would  it be  safe to assume that people who live in self denial haven’t embraced their true selves? How about those who live life trying to anticipate the moves of others, basing every action or thought on the anticipated moves of another? Are they cautious, manipulative or untrue to self? 

When we anticipate people’s moves and act accordingly aren’t we short changing ourselves from learning who they really are? More importantly aren’t we short changing ourselves, as only life experiences can truly expose the foundations our true ourselves. I am by no means advocating a careless lifestyle or a rude personality. I just find myself wondering if such a cautious life isn’t a limiting and unrealistic one. I question the validity and dependability of principles lived by being a bundle of reaction to for everyone around you.

Isn’t that what we become when everything we do is foreshadowed by our anticipated or pre- planned outcomes. We consistently respond not in the way we really want to but in the way that ensures we have absolute control of the 10 percent which really belongs to others. Sadly I think in doing that we give over control of the 90 percent without knowing.  We hedge ourselves into a corner which never spreads out into a large square, rather like a column we wrap ourselves round in people’s reaction until we become invisible. Often times when that environment becomes stifling we burst open like a house hit by a tornado.

Don’t know about you but I wouldn’t want to be everything to all men, as each man desires sometime different from everyone each time. I rather be something to some people and accept that I might never be anything to some others. Would it be better to die a bundle of reactions or a bundle of actions?