Working to live … living to work.

 

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I remember sitting on the bus on my way to work, scared by the choice I had made, excited by the prospects it held. I remember finding solace in these words:

I go to work to earn a living,

a living in my body,

a living in my health,

a living in my mind,

a living in my today,

a living in the future,

a living in my relationships,

a living in my dreams,

a living in my finance.

I am going to work to earn a stand to live the life I hope and hoped for.

While I can not say that this has made my life a smooth ride, it has however, made me slightly less apprehensive. It made me seek out the rainbows! To appreciate everyone who has lent even the most miniscule of help at any point.

God bless!

 

And the princess put on her glass slippers and went to work.

I remember hearing the story of a woman who left her husband and family to start a new life at age 67. I remember wondering at the time what was going through her mind as she made such a life-changing decision. A few months before she left home, the woman had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and it is believed this must have ignited the flames of her decision.


Questions: was she in a loving relationship? Did she have a caring family? Was she already unhappy? Did she feel like a burden to the family? Did she just want a new life and no one was able or willing to go with her? Did it sound unreasonable to everyone?
From the above questions, there is only one question anyone other than the woman and her family can answer truthfully and with certainty. That is the last question; how reasonable does this decision sound to you? The answer will be subject to your perspective, preferences and priorities in life.


Will Smith in an interview said something I find very profound: “you can never succeed your way out of childhood trauma, you heal it by doing something for others.” (this is paraphrased and I could not share the link, but it is on Instagram).
In my own words, I translate the above to mean “you can not silence a disgruntled or hurtful inner voice through external results, you calm it by seeking answers, but more importantly pursuing peace.”


Answers to past misgivings or reasons for why they happened are important steps for bringing closure. They help you understand the people involved, to determine how you want to relate with them going forward. It is important to note that no answer, is an answer in itself. And when you get the answer or you’ve done all you can to get the answers, please pursue inner peace with even greater zeal.


Ideally, one should never say to a traumatized victim, let’s pretend that never happened. Or it was all his/her fault and none of yours. Or it was all your (the victims) fault. We could never say this to car crash victims, so why do we say it to emotional, physical or domestic abuse victims. Like an ambulance team at the scene what you need are the facts, the contributing factors and a way forward.


Nothing resurrects childhood trauma’s like having your own children. They remind you of everything that happened in vivid images. This becomes more problematic if you haven’t found healing or moved on from the situation. You want to take them away from anything that might trigger the past again, you begin to hyperventilate and imagine the worst when any shadows from the past seem to cast a gaze over them. In other to silence that inner voice, to find peace and hope for growth, some questions will need direct answers, some places might need to be forgotten. People say love is a powerful motivator, I say fear is an even stronger one.


Considering the above, I would like to ask your thoughts on Harry and Meghan’s decision for their future? How do you resolve your inner voice conflicts?


The papers would have us believe that Thomas Merkle (Meghan’s) dad believes she has just made useless every girl’s fantasy of marrying a prince and living happily ever after. And to him I send this reply and listen carefully Sir, for I shall only say this once:


“THAT SHIP HAS SAILED!” And logistically speaking the number of princes around cannot go round the entire female population in the world. Unless we are aiming to beat King Solomon’s records. Women now wine and dine their ‘princes’, taking the higher road and letting the men curb crawl as they please. knight-1598250_1280 (1)Women now wear the swords and shields of financial responsibility, the helmet of logic and organisational skills, and a firm boot of brass to kick the ‘prince’ totally off the curb, should he start to ask for more than he’s worth, not pull his assigned weight or complicate his duties in the ‘other room.’ For those who still want a prince in the old fashioned sense, have had a rude awakening to the reality that some princes no longer want to be princes in that capacity, and some just can’t be those type of princes due to several changes in society.


I perhaps in my naivety, believe that the mark of a true prince is to put the needs of his followers above his. In this light, you Sir Thomas if you have ever been a prince, through this statement and several others in the past, it is clear that you have fallen down the slopes of nobility.


What say ye, my people?
Is Harry a prince amongst his pears or not?
I raise my tankard of ale to Prince Harry, his bean and their wee bairn.
God save the queen
God save all mankind.

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Happy new year

Happy new year!

I guess in every sense of the word it is indeed a new year for me as a blogger. Today marks my fifth year on WordPress. I haven’t been ‘actively’ around in the last 2 – 3 years, life has happened, life is happening and I am sure it will carry on happening for a long while yet. But before I get carried away to the land of reminiscence permit me once more to say, happy new year again!


The last few years have been filled with so many lessons to learn and many more to unlearn. As 2020 arrived, I had only one request on my heart, to have perfect vision. To see the obvious, to decipher the hidden and to lead my heart to better days. January is almost over, there are lessons to be reviewed and thoughts to be weighed.


Lesson one: stop overthinking. When something happens, accept your responsibility in the sequence of event, admit the culpability of others involved. Overthinking: trying to decipher others intent without speaking to them, often this leads to gossip or to wish you could get back at them. Determine: to take the lessons learnt or steps discovered forward. To see people as humans who are either whole, broken, insecure, arrogant or just plain toxic.


Lesson two: accept that confidence and self- confidence are not necessarily the same things. Accept that many people don’t necessarily know the difference between both terms. Acknowledge that most people in today’s world consider the extreme of confidence i.e. arrogance to be the confidence. knowing one’s weakness in an area is not a limitation in all areas. It is self-confidence to know one’s weakness, to accept the implications of this weakness, to decipher if they’re changeable or not. This limitation should not drive you to over-compensate in other areas. Everyone has weaknesses. Simply decide: to put in your best at all times, to continually learn, to grow your strengths and develop your weaknesses were possible. Determine: not to base your sense of worth on your performance in front of others, you’re an individual not a character in a play.

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It is confidence to know when to walk alone and when to walk with another.

In 2020, Balance is key.

Goal: to always see the woods for the trees.

To know what counts each day, each season and to max out the counts.

Happy new year again!

What have you done with your year so far?

 

 

Much tamasha…about something

Mama said, don’t let the boys near.

Papa said, not before the bull is in the shed.

Teacher said, I will disgrace you if I ever find out.

And me, I wondered what all the fuss was about.

There was silence, then there wasn’t.

There was singing, the sonorous humming of creaking springs.

There was silence, then there wasn’t.

There was drumming, the clanging beats of wooden boards.

Then there was silence.

Mama said it has one purpose.

Papa said it has another.

Teacher said both are plausible.

I wondered if they hadn’t missed something.

There was silence, the mind swirled.

Emotions danced a gig, the body rolled in confusion.

There was silence, the body weaved.

Fabrics lay in cords, hearts tied to bedposts.

Then there was silence.

I said, let words be spoken before the time,

And silence the reward of peace abide.

Devoid of mirrors with broken emotions,

or shadows of stringed-on by-standers.

Let words be spoken after the time,

And silence the reward of peace

on the altar of guileless love transcending a moment.

Mama nodded,

Papa reflected,

Teacher said, ‘of this sort I wholly approve’.

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I see you

I see you,

yes you, with eyes so deep, oceans rise in them.

I see you,

yes you, with tears so silent, dropping pins echo through.

Yes YOU, with a smile so bright, the sun stands in awe.

I see you.

Yes you, having a day, a moment.

I see you,

grappling through the dust for air,

stripping the words for a vowel of hope.

I see you,

Yes you, it’s a moment, a day,

it will pass, and hope will fill your words again.

I see you,

Yes YOU.

flowers
copyright N.chioma

 

Last words

See the source imageFear not, I am not dying, as interesting (read that as tough) as the year has been, we’ve still got air in our lungs, the mind box is still functional, (at least I think so, we will soon establish  that theory at the end of this post). And no this is not a new year resolution post, rather it’s a post to get off my chest something it has been brewing for a while now.

Through the course of the year I have been fortunate/unfortunate to read a lot of social media posts on marriage, relationships and the general emotional upheave that seems bent on denting the ideology that men and women can coexist peacefully under a contractual agreement. I have often been tempted to write an article, or comment in response to these posts. Something along the lines of ‘…..a good man would never treat ….., a good woman would always …..’, and every single time my mind reminds me of how subjective that thought or idea was. 

Reading  peoples comments often helps me see clearly, other times it enrages me, especially when they make references to bible passages, taking them out of context or simply imposing their thoughts on the scripture. A very good example is the Proverb 31 woman, who from people’s comment I deduce is a docile wife, but formidable business woman. A woman with a firm lid on her emotions in her husbands presence, (no anger, no disappointment, no tiredness, basically no negative emotions when he’s around). People assume her husbands delight in her stems from her ability to walk/work as his clone, someone who avails him of the opportunity to be in two different places at once, without being a UFO. 

Others refer to scriptures on the husband that point out his headship, but ignore other blatant truths in the same scripture. An example is the instruction for every leader to serve his followers, placing leaders at the bottom of the ladder. Another one places a demand on husbands, urging them to love their wifes’ in a deeply sacrificial way. However, this post is not about the husband or wife, it is about being a consistently good human. 

Every human should aim to be kind, good, peaceful, gentle, joyful, peaceful, tolerant,See the source image forbearance, loyal, and above self-controlled. This human can be a husband, wife, business owner, ruler, son, daughter, mother, father, neighbour. A human who places this standards as the minimal bases for human interaction, will be a good ….. (affix your own label). They will exhibit these traits at the very core of their interaction, every other behaviour will be subjective to the prevailing circumstances. And, because they are human, they will fall short sometimes, but they will right themselves again.

What makes you a good husband or wife is not in how expertly you respect (but secretly scorn) your partner, it’s not in how expertly you love (but secretly degrade) your partner. What makes you a good husband or wife, lies is how good you are as a person. How far you would go chasing perfection (refer to the above subjective interpretation of proverbs 31 and the husbands roles) at the expense of the real person wearing that ring you slipped on their fingers. How far would you go chasing your dreams at the expense of the other person who signed up to be your team mate, (meaning no ones dream gets abandoned intentionally or without acknowledgement at the starting whistle) and not just a cheerleader. An ambassador (both spouses should be representatives of the family but still individuals in their own rights) not just a clone.

In 2019 be a good person, be consistent.

 

Mind webs.

I am not plagued by what plagues my peers.

I am not plagued by what plagued my ancestors.

I am plagued by what plagues ME.

Like Charon’s’ fingers ripping through curtains of darkness, its shallow whispers seek to stifle my voice.

I rise at dawn racing to escape the dark recesses of my mind.

I wish them away… they start to fade, a sense of peace assails my mind.

Like a dot of light, a patch of clarity on a foggy morning, so are the words crooning through my ear piece.

Looking at the computer, I find myself sinking again.


Written for two challenges:

Friday fictioneers hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Click on this link to join in the fun and on this one to read other stories.

and Flash fiction for aspiring writers hosted by Priceless Joy. Click on the link to join in the fun and on this one to read other stories.

The view

1999: A home with a view that’s all I wanted, was that too much to ask for? 

2005: my life changed, my view was altered; I was thankful to be alive.

I hope to never witness another dialogue between the concrete jungles of a neighbourhood and the weapons of mans struggle to subjugate another, I hope my view stays the same.

three line tales week 136: camping
Picture by Tyler Nix via unsplash

Written for three line tales challenge hosted by Sonya. Click on this link to join in.

Beautifully ugly

Dress: £50 from Dorothy Perkins

Shoes: £18 from Next

Coat: £50 from River Island

Jewellery: £20 from New look

Perfume: Chanel No 5 (a gift from dad)

Total: £138

She walked through the door all poised and calm. Her name was Twin A. She asked how my day had been and wished me a lovely night. I held her coat as delicately as she had treated my position.

Dress: £50 from House of Frasier

Shoes: £20 from Next

Coat: £60 from M & S

Jewellery: £20 from New look

Perfume: Carolina Herrera (gift from dad)

Total: £150

She walked through the door all poised and calm. Her name was Twin B. She gave me her coat, and walked through to the other guests. I held her coat as impersonally as she treated me. 

It’s as ma said, “we’re all the same, the heart is all that makes us different. It don’t matter what you wear, or where you sleep, with a bit of cash you might find yourself a happy neighbour to professor Higgins.”


Written for Flash fiction for aspiring writers challenge. Hope it makes sense. Click on the link to read other stories and on this link to join in.