Tender hope.

She starred at the board, and smiled.

There was a tick next to each item.

First the promotion, although it had been middle of the list. It was the first to be achieved.

The second was more dicey. But she had done it. Hosted multiple lavish dinners befitting their status.

PHOTO PROMPT © Fleur Lind

Eric and her mother had beamed with pride.

On the side of the board was a sticky note. A single item.

She had not had the courage to put it on the vision board.

And she wasn’t going to either.

Her body and mind were not ready to try again yet.

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Thank you Rochelle for hosting the writing event Friday fictiooneers. The rule is to write a 100 word piece in response to the provided picture. Please click the link to visit Rochelle’s blog. It will be worth your while. And click this link to read other stories and write ups.

Au revoir 2022

The year of all years.

Tears a fountain of relief, a faucet for pent up weariness.

Heart palpitations a plenty.

Fears like racing hordes from hell.

Unswerving doubt a cloak of comfort.

But…

Hope in the voice of a mother (s) rises …

I have been blessed to have several women who in the past and till today continue to nurture me. They pray with me, they advise me. They encourage me to go beyond praying to doing. They call my mind back to the multitude of reasons to be thankful. To count what I have, rather than miss what never was or is not yet. They make me live in the now. I love them.

For all my mum’s thank you for reminding me that now, is all we really have.

Echos in the voice of a friend (s) beckons …

I am thankful for these ladies, they listen, they hear me and although many miles seperate us they see me. For them I am grateful. When stressed I can hear them say, you are not alone. I have got you. I have gone through this, I am going through similar. This cannot end you. This is a phase. I hear them and I sleep, to wake with a resolve to be better.

Laughter in a cord of three holds tight ….

Two of three

Where do i start with this. Sisters by blood, by heart. They stand like amazons with a whip to shape my over thinking mind into focus. They correct me. They defend me. They shield my mind when it seeks to spiral out of control. We trade stories of all the craziness around us and keep each other sane. We consciously choose to stand despite our differences. A cord of three, our bond holds fast.

Trust in the steadfastness of oaks, comforts me….

I am thankful for the men in my life. Like an oak tree they are strong within as without. In a world that allows them leeway to be dubious, i am most thankful that they stand as people of insight, integrity and faith. May the father keep you and sheild you from the axe of the wicked.

Pleasure in the eyes of youth, renews me …

Bright as light

What can I say, this holds my world together. Your smile illuminates my world. Your tears jar me from all depth of angst. For you see, in your eyes i see a thousand tomorrows and yet many todays. So I want your memories to be sweet but not sickly so. Sour but never rancid. I want your life to be balanced. For if your inner voice holds sure, the world can stand on it’s head and you will know without a doubt that you are standing right side up. You will know whose you are and why you are.

Glow with confidence

Then …

I remember that i also brought something to the table. I remember that I also listened as I was listened to. I prayed for others as I have been prayed for me. I remember that no matter how small, i brought what I could every time I could. I find strength in this.

Finally ….

I am so very grateful to everyone who donated to the kids running page. It made a difference to someone’s christmas this winter. And the lessons from this endeavour is still ongoing. The kids haven’t completely grasped the concept that money does not come freely all the time. You need to add value or create value. Once again thank you so much for your donations. Our page is now closed. We raised a total of £310 before gift aid. So proud of my community of friends & family, you are beyond awesome.

And I am deeply grateful to you my reading audience for staying loyal over the years. Thank you.

Hope the new year sees us soaring in the air like the bird.

Au revoir 2022, I know I wll see you slightly in 2023. The years don’t really change but with God’s help we will be better.

Thanks Again.

Running home at the 11th hour.

I cannot believe it.
It is indeed the 11th hour … or rather the 11th week of our run.
I expected that the 12 weeks to sail by smoothly .. I forgot that there was something called winter. I am so proud of the kids, to have forged ahead till this point. I am sad we missed a week, last week. But I am thankful we got here and I am excited to finish it next week. I can only hope that you would cheer us on once more by digging deep and supporting our endevour. To those who have supported us and those yet to , thank you!.

Please visit our page and make a donation.

The goal: to run/walk/ keep active for at least 30 minutes once a week for 12 weeks leading up to christmas. In order to raise money for St. Mungo’s charity, a run for the homeless.

Where we are: 11 weeks in and one more to go. Amount raised is £224

What we need: your donation to drive the funds to a greater amount.

Thank you once more for your support.

Running update week 2 & 3

Good afternoon everyone,

I am sorry for not updating you with regards to our running venture last week. We had a great run last week (week two), although the weather was very windy. I think this put us slightly off for this weeks run (week 3). However, at the time we enjoyed every bit of our run. Although lady L still asked, “why are we doing this again?”

This week (week three) has been rather interesting and tiring. Myself and the little ones have been slightly under the weather. Sniffling noses, headaches and the such. It was a close call against running this week, but we decided to power through. We went back to the same field as last week (week two) and did four laps between the goal posts. The weather was better and we were very thankful for it.

Please ignore the date and time on the watch. I have not puzzled out the settings for that feature yet.

Whilst Mister L is always roaring to go, I have resorted to a mixture of bribe, threaths and repeatedly explaining why giving can be enriching to motivate lady L. Nonetheless, we persevere. Our aim is to achieve 30 – 60 minutes of running/other activities with breaks in between each week.

Thank you for your continued support. See you next week.

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We would like to remind you that our running is for St. Mongo’s charity.

St Mungo’s is a charity that provides a bed and support to more than 3,150 people a night. Our vision is that everyone has a place to call home and can fulfil their hopes and ambitions.

L & L’s hope is to provide someone or as many people as possible with a home or at the very least a roof to keep christmas a pleasant memory this year.

Do visit our Just giving page and support our efforts and that of the charity. All funds revert straight to the charity.

The hill we die on

Uchendu parked the vehicle in the yard. Its light blue colour glistened in the sun, bright as the skies above. The children starred in wonder. His wife’s’ smile shone; she was the embodiment of a successful wife. The naysayers had been shamed.  Uchendu’s growing success was evidence that her union to him had not been ill-fated. She wasn’t cursed. Uchendu embraced her, then walked through the house, straight to his mother’s room. He smiled at her; she starred at him. As your wealth increases so shall the silence of another on earth. They will know by who’s hand it was wrought.  The dibia’s words echoed silently through the room.

Photo prompt copyright belongs to Fleur Lind.

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Diabia: is a word from Igbo land in Nigeria. It refers to a sorceres . They often granted wealth to people a price.  The image reminded me of sorcerers and the price people pay for a future they must have. Thanks Rochelle for hosting the writing challenge Friday Fictioneers. Please click the previous link to see how you can join in with the fun. And click on this other link to read everyones entry.

I have a dream

According to Cambridge dictionary a dream is a series of events or images that happen in your mind when you are sleeping.

Another definition from the Merriam – Webster dictionary defines a dream as a strongly desired goal or purpose.

No matter how young or old, independent or dependent on others we are, it is fairly safe to assume that all have dreams which fall into one or both categories above. Of course, every dream will differ per person, and perhaps per stage of growth, we find ourselves in.

However, one marked difference exists between the above definitions, and it is often influenced by the nature of the individual harbouring the dream. The first definition explains a dream as a series of events, while the second assigns a single objective/focus. Likewise, based on the former definition, dreams sometimes can be very intense, scary and realistic at the time. Other times they might seem nonsensical, whimsical or even a fairy tale. Sometimes we wake up able to recall every event in the dream. Whilst some others, no matter how hard we try, nothing seems to emerge from our memory. But a sense of deja vu or danger persists afterwards.

In contrast to the above, with the second definition, the dream is often something tangible or obtainable. It is rooted in the individual’s mind as a fixture. We often have a clear mapped-out path to attaining these dreams. Sometimes we have a timeline assigned to each segment. And more importantly, we know whom or what we need to ensure everything goes swimmingly well. Under certain circumstances, it comes together like the dream we wanted it to be, authentic to the master plan that contrived it. Other times the path to the dream gets so skewed that we might not recognise the end product when it is before us. And at those times, we are tempted to call it an accident rather than a dream. I find that it is more painful to recognise the goal or appreciate it for what it is when the dream is mostly distorted by people who ideally should support you. Or people who deliberately planned to skewer our dreams.

You lay me down by the still waters; I will not fear.

Regardless of the circumstances, it might be worth reviewing how we interpret the idea of a dream. Much like the first definition of a dream, our well-constructed dreams require a series of events to materialise. It also requires spectators, passersby and unwelcomed but even more certain unexpected guests or intrusions. I am learning, albeit slowly, that the best response to these hiccups on our journey is to wake up to the reality before us. Everyone ultimately wakes up from a good, bad or scary subconscious dream. Thus, every dream visualised as a goal or a subconscious event only has a deep grip on you, provided you remain unconscious of reality. You own the dream. It should not own you. Wake up, re-write the dream. Wakeup, rethink the dream.

Write the vision and make it clear, so that he who runs … for the race is not to the swift.

And the princess put on her glass slippers and went to work.

I remember hearing the story of a woman who left her husband and family to start a new life at age 67. I remember wondering at the time what was going through her mind as she made such a life-changing decision. A few months before she left home, the woman had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and it is believed this must have ignited the flames of her decision.

Questions: was she in a loving relationship? Did she have a caring family? Was she already unhappy? Did she feel like a burden to the family? Did she just want a new life and no one was able or willing to go with her? Did it sound unreasonable to everyone?
From the above questions, there is only one question anyone other than the woman and her family can answer truthfully and with certainty. That is the last question; how reasonable does this decision sound to you? The answer will be subject to your perspective, preferences and priorities in life.

Will Smith in an interview said something I find very profound: “you can never succeed your way out of childhood trauma, you heal it by doing something for others.” (this is paraphrased and I could not share the link, but it is on Instagram).
In my own words, I translate the above to mean “you can not silence a disgruntled or hurtful inner voice through external results, you calm it by seeking answers, but more importantly pursuing peace.”

Answers to past misgivings or reasons for why they happened are important steps for bringing closure. They help you understand the people involved, to determine how you want to relate with them going forward. It is important to note that no answer, is an answer in itself. And when you get the answer or you’ve done all you can to get the answers, please pursue inner peace with even greater zeal.

Ideally, one should never say to a traumatized victim, let’s pretend that never happened. Or it was all his/her fault and none of yours. Or it was all your (the victims) fault. We could never say this to car crash victims, so why do we say it to emotional, physical or domestic abuse victims. Like an ambulance team at the scene what you need are the facts, the contributing factors and a way forward.

Nothing resurrects childhood trauma’s like having your own children. They remind you of everything that happened in vivid images. This becomes more problematic if you haven’t found healing or moved on from the situation. You want to take them away from anything that might trigger the past again, you begin to hyperventilate and imagine the worst when any shadows from the past seem to cast a gaze over them. In other to silence that inner voice, to find peace and hope for growth, some questions will need direct answers, some places might need to be forgotten. People say love is a powerful motivator, I say fear is an even stronger one.

Considering the above, I would like to ask your thoughts on Harry and Meghan’s decision for their future? How do you resolve your inner voice conflicts?

The papers would have us believe that Thomas Merkle (Meghan’s) dad believes she has just made useless every girl’s fantasy of marrying a prince and living happily ever after. And to him I send this reply and listen carefully Sir, for I shall only say this once:

“THAT SHIP HAS SAILED!” And logistically speaking the number of princes around cannot go round the entire female population in the world. Unless we are aiming to beat King Solomon’s records. Women now wine and dine their ‘princes’, taking the higher road and letting the men curb crawl as they please. Women now wear the swords and shields of financial responsibility, the helmet of logic and organisational skills, and a firm boot of brass to kick the ‘prince’ totally off the curb, should he start to ask for more than he’s worth, not pull his assigned weight or complicate his duties in the ‘other room.’ For those who still want a prince in the old fashioned sense, have had a rude awakening to the reality that some princes no longer want to be princes in that capacity, and some just can’t be those type of princes due to several changes in society.

I perhaps in my naivety, believe that the mark of a true prince is to put the needs of his followers above his. In this light, you Sir Thomas if you have ever been a prince, through this statement and several others in the past, it is clear that you have fallen down the slopes of nobility.

What say ye, my people?
Is Harry a prince amongst his pears or not?
I raise my tankard of ale to Prince Harry, his bean and their wee bairn.
God save the queen
God save all mankind.

A crash course on life: lesson 2 -7

So I was going to do a week by week update, however, I find that some of these lessons rolled along into other weeks. Hence, I will give a summary of all the lessons learned from week 2 – 7,

a. Your principles can be an affront to many: there is a saying back home in Nigeria, “You’re not jollof rice, so stop trying to please everyone“, Jolof rice is a tasty rice meal that serves as a staple meal for all occasions. Adults and children alike love jollof rice, people have been known to take bowls to parties just to steal large servings of the meal away. However as pleasant as the meal is there are still people who do not like it or there are times when it doesn’t appeal to our taste buds. In like manner, we must accept that our lifestyle choices will always confront or challenge others, sometimes without us saying a word.

b. Do not give people the weapon they need to harm you: I often talk to myself when I am stressed or trying to think things through. Somewhere within this seven-week period, I think my mumbling offended an ‘unintended’ eavesdropper. Rather than talk to me about it, the Chinese whispers chain was set up and a wall was laid. Seeing as people pleasing isn’t a skill I aspire to, (I believe it only equips bullies and manipulators with the license to rob you blind) I found myself in the difficult position of trying my best, but still being ridiculed in a very unkind manner. Thus, note to self always ensure you are alone when consulting with yourself.

c. Avoid the need to tell tales: this ranges from sharing your problems with people to divulging seemingly irrelevant details of another person’s life to a third party. They say a problem shared is a problem half solved; I say a problem shared with the wrong person is a problem at the very least half-doubled. For example, I said to someone that I still breastfed my eight-month-old and the advise given was to stop breastfeeding as it might stress my work life.

On the surface, this is a fair and seemingly honest/harmless comment, however, legally I am entitled to certain rights in the workplace as a breastfeeding mother and no provision was made for this. I do not hold this against anyone as I never asked for those changes to be made. And I did not do so as I assumed that a.) I would be able to express enough and the baby would be fine. b.) that seven weeks would fly by quickly. Taking that advice would have meant my lactose intolerant baby would not only be deprived of his mum but would have to go through the stress of adapting to meals and changes before he was ready to.

People will advise you from their own experience. Their fears, triumphs, and disappointment. Be careful not to rewrite your story based on their manuscript, sift the principle and move on.

d.) If you don’t drop the crumbs the birds won’t come: leading on from point C if you don’t divulge anything over time people will get bored and move on with their own lives. If you don’t want their input simply don’t tell them stuff. I find it interesting when people ask for an opinion and then get angry at what’s offered. However, to the individual being asked, try to give advice based on principles not based on what you would do or how you would like it. It might be a lonely and somewhat hectic place to be, but at least you can control what circles your life moves in and the words you speak.

e.) Finally, keep your eyes on the prize at all times: do your best to eliminate every distraction, chose your battles wisely, chose your weapons even more carefully. Above everything else identify your weaknesses and try to get over them. Deal with your personal bias as it helps you forgive others their own.

A crash course in 7 weeks; lesson 1

“Start as you mean to go on.”

Or “Start with the end in sight.”

My little man turned seven months in June, four days before my return to school day. I had hoped to wean him unto solid meals by this time. I wasn’t expecting him to be able to eat three whole meals, but I had hoped for some sort of day time meal routine at the very least. I had high expectations of my breastmilk expression skills reality, however begged to differ. This leads me to my lessons from week one:

Go into every endeavour with positive energy. Contrary to my usual disposition when faced with a new challenge (which is often apprehension masked in negativity), I returned to school  filled with positive energy. I presume this positivity was a result of my past accomplishments in school prior to going on maternity leave. 

Be positive but have a contingency plan. Being able to get back into study as planned increased myself confidence. It felt like I had a firmer grip on my life and the plans ahead. However, I had no contingency plan with respect to how baby would be fed if the milk I expressed wasn’t enough. At first I had a milk stash in the freezer but it was  quickly depleted by the end of week one. Though baby was having pureed fruit, as well, I was still worried. 

Being relaxed and having breakfast helps with milk production. I have not made the previous statement based on any scientific authority. However, drawing from my personal experience, I found having a good breakfast anytime before 11am not only helped increase my milk production but also the thickness of the expressed milk. I also found having a nap or just some rest or warm bath helped increase milk production. 

Be positive, but be observant; watch your words. It often very tempting to ‘over share’ or to stretch ourselves beyond limit, or to overtly identify with everyone when we come into a new environment. While in certain cases nothing negative comes of this experience, under different circumstances an unhealthy working trend might be established. Often times it comes back to bite us in the butt. Be on your best behaviour, but ensure to be you. (will throw more light on this in week four)

From 10-20minutes of pumping on a good day for us.

Woman to woman

Informed choices not sponsored choices

celebrating strengths, supporting weaknesses

Nurture and nature, fostering the bonds from womb to world

There are no divides save the ones we refuse to own.

Woman to woman, mother to mother

A vibrant story of many lines, a common theme of ‘baby and mother first’ at it’s core

Things fall apart when the core starts to unravel.

I hold you close, you hold me dear,

We uphold the facts for all to see.

 

Happy breastfeeding week