I remember hearing the story of a woman who left her husband and family to start a new life at age 67. I remember wondering at the time what was going through her mind as she made such a life-changing decision. A few months before she left home, the woman had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and it is believed this must have ignited the flames of her decision.
Questions: was she in a loving relationship? Did she have a caring family? Was she already unhappy? Did she feel like a burden to the family? Did she just want a new life and no one was able or willing to go with her? Did it sound unreasonable to everyone?
From the above questions, there is only one question anyone other than the woman and her family can answer truthfully and with certainty. That is the last question; how reasonable does this decision sound to you? The answer will be subject to your perspective, preferences and priorities in life.
Will Smith in an interview said something I find very profound: “you can never succeed your way out of childhood trauma, you heal it by doing something for others.” (this is paraphrased and I could not share the link, but it is on Instagram).
In my own words, I translate the above to mean “you can not silence a disgruntled or hurtful inner voice through external results, you calm it by seeking answers, but more importantly pursuing peace.”
Answers to past misgivings or reasons for why they happened are important steps for bringing closure. They help you understand the people involved, to determine how you want to relate with them going forward. It is important to note that no answer, is an answer in itself. And when you get the answer or you’ve done all you can to get the answers, please pursue inner peace with even greater zeal.
Ideally, one should never say to a traumatized victim, let’s pretend that never happened. Or it was all his/her fault and none of yours. Or it was all your (the victims) fault. We could never say this to car crash victims, so why do we say it to emotional, physical or domestic abuse victims. Like an ambulance team at the scene what you need are the facts, the contributing factors and a way forward.
Nothing resurrects childhood trauma’s like having your own children. They remind you of everything that happened in vivid images. This becomes more problematic if you haven’t found healing or moved on from the situation. You want to take them away from anything that might trigger the past again, you begin to hyperventilate and imagine the worst when any shadows from the past seem to cast a gaze over them. In other to silence that inner voice, to find peace and hope for growth, some questions will need direct answers, some places might need to be forgotten. People say love is a powerful motivator, I say fear is an even stronger one.
Considering the above, I would like to ask your thoughts on Harry and Meghan’s decision for their future? How do you resolve your inner voice conflicts?
The papers would have us believe that Thomas Merkle (Meghan’s) dad believes she has just made useless every girl’s fantasy of marrying a prince and living happily ever after. And to him I send this reply and listen carefully Sir, for I shall only say this once:
“THAT SHIP HAS SAILED!” And logistically speaking the number of princes around cannot go round the entire female population in the world. Unless we are aiming to beat King Solomon’s records. Women now wine and dine their ‘princes’, taking the higher road and letting the men curb crawl as they please. Women now wear the swords and shields of financial responsibility, the helmet of logic and organisational skills, and a firm boot of brass to kick the ‘prince’ totally off the curb, should he start to ask for more than he’s worth, not pull his assigned weight or complicate his duties in the ‘other room.’ For those who still want a prince in the old fashioned sense, have had a rude awakening to the reality that some princes no longer want to be princes in that capacity, and some just can’t be those type of princes due to several changes in society.
I perhaps in my naivety, believe that the mark of a true prince is to put the needs of his followers above his. In this light, you Sir Thomas if you have ever been a prince, through this statement and several others in the past, it is clear that you have fallen down the slopes of nobility.
What say ye, my people?
Is Harry a prince amongst his pears or not?
I raise my tankard of ale to Prince Harry, his bean and their wee bairn.
God save the queen
God save all mankind.