Happy new year

Happy new year!

I guess in every sense of the word it is indeed a new year for me as a blogger. Today marks my fifth year on WordPress. I haven’t been ‘actively’ around in the last 2 – 3 years, life has happened, life is happening and I am sure it will carry on happening for a long while yet. But before I get carried away to the land of reminiscence permit me once more to say, happy new year again!


The last few years have been filled with so many lessons to learn and many more to unlearn. As 2020 arrived, I had only one request on my heart, to have perfect vision. To see the obvious, to decipher the hidden and to lead my heart to better days. January is almost over, there are lessons to be reviewed and thoughts to be weighed.


Lesson one: stop overthinking. When something happens, accept your responsibility in the sequence of event, admit the culpability of others involved. Overthinking: trying to decipher others intent without speaking to them, often this leads to gossip or to wish you could get back at them. Determine: to take the lessons learnt or steps discovered forward. To see people as humans who are either whole, broken, insecure, arrogant or just plain toxic.


Lesson two: accept that confidence and self- confidence are not necessarily the same things. Accept that many people don’t necessarily know the difference between both terms. Acknowledge that most people in today’s world consider the extreme of confidence i.e. arrogance to be the confidence. knowing one’s weakness in an area is not a limitation in all areas. It is self-confidence to know one’s weakness, to accept the implications of this weakness, to decipher if they’re changeable or not. This limitation should not drive you to over-compensate in other areas. Everyone has weaknesses. Simply decide: to put in your best at all times, to continually learn, to grow your strengths and develop your weaknesses were possible. Determine: not to base your sense of worth on your performance in front of others, you’re an individual not a character in a play.

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It is confidence to know when to walk alone and when to walk with another.

In 2020, Balance is key.

Goal: to always see the woods for the trees.

To know what counts each day, each season and to max out the counts.

Happy new year again!

What have you done with your year so far?

 

 

360 degrees

I set my love to flight, I gave it wings to fly,

I set my love to flight, it came back battered and bruised

I set my love to flight, I found myself aglow.

tltweek125

Photo by Erik Witsoe via Unsplash

About the title: when we love, well they say it comes back to us.


Written for Sonya’s three line tales week 125.

Right partner … right me.

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“Is she currently employed?”

“How long has she been working?”

The above questions have been paraphrased, nonetheless those questions were posed at my husband before we got married. Safe to say that at the time I could not imagine what link there could be between my work experience and the sustenance of a happy marriage.

Present society is froth with several dating websites, apps, meeting venues, matchmakers ranging from human to cyber promising to match your basic and eccentric needs with that of the right partner. Everyone in society including the man at the market stall has some sage advice on not only how to snag but also how to keep the right partner happy. 

If you’re single people think there’s something wrong either

a.)  with your mentality (you don’t think like a woman should)

b.) with your expectations (you live in fairytale land or in an ultra unrealistic cookoo land)

c.) with you physically (not pretty enough, not slim enough, not well spoken enough etc)

And if you’re married there is an unspoken level of sedation one is expected to operate in, a state between tired (but not weary) and content (but not excited). To exist on either extremes of this scale makes you come across as either cheesy or trapped in unpleasant matrimony.  Offering advice puts you in the later category, wishing others get married soon puts you in the former, thus my suggestion that one looms in the sedate region.

It is perhaps not surprising to note that the above opinions are all subjective interpretations of another’s personal circumstances. They are semi-permanent ideologies of another’s life based on time-bound circumstances. Going back to questions in the first paragraph, I can’t help wonder if, perhaps having some work experience helps one

a.) Have more realistic expectations from marriage: much like a job CV, our personalities are a mobile working CV. Dates can be considered a series of interviews and when they’ve lasted for years they become a form of apprenticeship or trial period. However the wedding is the final contract which states clearing the working terms and conditions between partners. Much like a job, we go into it excited, with a sense of euphoria which gradually plateaus into normalcy. Slowly things get added to the relationship, some unsaid, some unexpected. This makes me assume that perhaps the enquirer wanted to ascertain my level of commitment to a cause regardless of it’s mundaneness, regardless of my doubts about my colleagues abilities. Regardless of varying opinions.

b.) Have a deeper appreciation for a partner who shares or pays the bill: it is assumed that one never knows how much something cost or how to value said item unless one knows how to get it. Sometimes I wonder if this isn’t skewed by the givers idea of what appropriate appreciation amounts to. Having said that there is indeed a greater appreciation that comes with an understanding of personal cost not just monetary value.

c.) Have a better estimation of one’s ambitions and personal value: this is very important as your ability to hold down a career is a tribute to one’s mental and emotional strength. Holding down a job inadvertently shapes our moral compass, setting the target for our ambitions in life. It gives us a clearer picture of our personal worth, highlighting what we’re willingly to compromise on or settle for.

In simple terms one could say those questions were aimed to discover if I was the right partner for my spouse. This makes me ponder on what makes the right partner right; is it their ability to complement our likes and dislikes or the sharing of similar religious views and principles? These are essential qualities, one’s not to be tossed about or trivialized, however I can’t help wondering what sustains couples with mirrored personalities or very different religious backgrounds. Is there probably something to be said about sharing and valuing each others ambition? Having realistic expectations of each other and the adaptation to being in each others personal space? Ensuring to discover the right you (your career, your ambition, your plans for the future etc). I find that probably an understanding and not-so-critical spirit is of great importance, life throws very interesting things at us as individuals, as a family the storms only gets bigger. An understanding and not so critical spirit takes the edge off life’s incisor bites. 

The right partner today can morph into a hitch-hiker in that horror movie who takes you hostage in your own car. It’s a gamble, life as a whole is a gamble,  the only person who can guarantee a good end is God and your choices. After it’s all been said and done, ensure that you’re in the right place emotionally, physically, career and ambition wise to make a choice based on the soothing calm within and not the fretful sound caused by undefined expectations. This is important as going into marriage without it is to place a tall order on your partner who many crumble hopelessly under this weight thus compounding simple issues further.


This post was inspired by a friends post on facebook.

I do not write because I know, I write to distil the noisy thoughts within.

This book taught me …

First I must apologize to all my blogging friends who have published books, I promise to get to them slowly, but surely. Several reasons stand between me and that objective ( a major one being that I prefer paper print to electronic print when it comes to reading a book), regardless I will make good on my words. Now to the lesson(s) from the second book I have read this year (yes I know very poor for a self-acclaimed avid reader) but I don’t consider half read books or books read over months in this category.

Title: It’s not me, It’s you

Author: Mhairi MaFarlane.

Lesson 1: In every relationship, there will always be a party who in some light seems to want it more than their partner. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing and is often insignificant until something goes wrong, creating a chasm in a once ‘secure’ bond. Often the more devoted party isn’t necessarily desperate or dumb, rather they like a prospective investor have overestimated the returns from a venture. Like the main character in the book they sometimes ignore glaring problems or view them as necessary evils that accompany every process. They invest emotions by positive words and actions into building the relationship. The second party, however, is more complacent, more often than not they see no need for overt affection, their true personalities lie behind a mask and they underestimate/disrespect the other person’s feelings and value. This probably occurs as a certain degree of value is assumed when one is sort after.

Does this mean the main character was wrong to go after a guy she ‘fancied’, I don’t think so? However, it’s important to always evaluate your relationships every now and then, by yourself and with your partner. It all boils down to owning your choices and accepting that other are responsible for theirs. Understanding that you both owe it to each other especially in a relationship, to be honest, and respectful to yourselves as individuals and partners at all times.

Every object in a market stall has an inherent value.

The one who buys it’s no more a fool for the purchase

as the object is a demi-god for it’s appeal to the buyer.

Lesson 2: how an individual views your imperfection plays a key role in how they treat and view you.It determines where you stand with them as equals or not quite on the same level. The main character had a ‘flaw’ of being wide-eyed and perhaps timid, this character trait evoked different responses. It struck a protective cord in one of the male characters, and in another, it encouraged an exploitation of her nature for selfish benefits.

Choose the one you

respect their strengths,

are willing to nurture through their weakness,

and love through the waves.

Choose the one who feels likewise about you.

Lesson 3: a woman’s waistline will forever be linked to the wandering legs of her partner. A man’s waistline might stay the same, thus the diminishing state of his ’emotional and considerate’ waistline long before the growth of her waistline is overlooked. There are no books or chronicles documenting the aforementioned strange phenomenon and it links a sudden attack of ‘waywarditis’ in men.

Last words: a good read picked solely because of its title, I enjoyed reading it and I needed a laugh. Not a fan of the swear words, though.

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Sketching the mind

“Tracey, would you like to tell me what you see?”

Tracey giggled, shifting on her sit .

“Tracey?”

“There’s a lady standing in the corner wearing red …”

Gently massaging her palms with her fingers “Tracey, I wasn’t referring to ..”

Tracey carried on “… perfect streamlined shape, long arms, and legs that reach up to her ears. A vision in red.”

Smiling patiently “We both know I wasn’t asking you about the mannequin, I want to know what you see when you look in the mirror?”

“I told you there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“And I agree Tracey, but I would still like to know what you see when you look in the mirror?”

“I see a massive lump of flesh, stumpy arms, legs that barely leave the ground and trust me I don’t look good in red, any shape or shade.”

Silence.

“What? Aren’t you going to tell me that I’m wrong? That I am beautiful and the world is a crazy place not me?.”

“No, I’m not. How about we paint some still life today? Your sketches are getting so much better each week. Gretchen says you have a creative mind.”


In response to the writing challenge flash fiction for aspiring writers hosted by Priceless Joy click on the link to visit the blog. The photograph is from the lovely Iain Kelly (interesting photo can’t wait to see all the stories it inspires) and the challenge is to write a 100 – 150 words (+/- 25 words) story inspired by it. Do click on the link for other stories. 

Expensive dreams

I am scared

Of the dreams I had, of  the past behind.

Of the hopes within my bosom, of the failures behind my heels.

I am weary,

of the dreams I have, of the future I envision.

of the thoughts that bridge the noon and words that linger past the moon.

Perhaps I am a smidgen dismayed 

but I am not giving up.

Not today

there’s breath in my lungs

there’s something new to dream of it’s called the next second.

Not tomorrow.

there’s a voice in my cords

there’s a story waiting on the next second to continue.

I will stay and keep at it,

I will dream.

for one has paid the highest price for a dream

for one dreamed that man can embrace a way higher than self.

Again I will dream.

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every dream like a bubble, seeks to rise

every dream like a bubble, grows bigger than our ‘heads’ 

every dream seems reachable 

every dream is yours whether it becomes reality or not.

many roam the streets without a vision further than their nose

and for some no further than the next breath, the next second.

Life is … 20th edition

perception

Life is … all about perception.

What you see is what you get. Change your mind, change your world.

I know this isn’t easy at all, trust me I have had my up and down days.

But I hope we all find the strength within to drive the change within into the world around us.

No one else can do it for you, only you can.

half-full


Hi there, thank you for stopping by today. This is the 20th edition of my ‘life is’ series where I try to relate life to different things in society. Would love to hear your thoughts on life is … all about perception. 

Quote on lies.

lies

I found the above quote on Stella’s blog and it really struck me, in the past I had never given much thought to the reasons behind lies. I know the quote probably doesn’t cover all cases, but I think it explains the psychological process behind most lies including those of an inherent liar. 

I am sure we all know the impact of lies on us and other parties involved so I am not going to write about it. However it is worth remembering that whatever motivates the lie gains momentum with each falsehood, as we lose trust in the strength of our voice.

Speech

pghI stand before you today, not as one who has achieved everything, No. I stand before you as an individual with hopes to achieve much more in life.

‘But you’re an adult, free to do as you will. An African woman, married to a wonderful husband and blessed with a beautiful child; surely your life has come full circle?’

Indeed, it has, but I ask myself is it a full circle or an empty circle? Does the circle pour out to others or is it set to explode from fermentation? And yes I have freedom: freedom to live life to its fullest, to ensure that I do not place myself or another in harms way. Freedom to be a responsible earth citizen for that is the only true form of freedom, every other form enslaves the mind and body to a silent master.

I stand before you today not to encourage you to read your books or shun distractions. No. I stand before you as an individual who knows that it all counts for nothing if you haven’t given it your best or stayed true to yourself.

But you were a prefect, a bible study coordinator, you rarely if ever broke the rules and now you advise us to be carefree?’

Yes, I advise you find yourself and embrace it within the love of God. I advise that you seek God with all your heart because without him a lot might not make sense.

But I also advise you, to do for yourself to the best of your ability what God has already equipped you to do. God will not study for you, neither will he sleep for you. He might ease your understanding and grant you peaceful rest, but the choice to do either activity timely is essentially up to you.

I advise that you be open-minded and explore life because the adventure ahead is not for those with weak faiths or passed on beliefs.

But I also advise that you stay true to the principles that shaped you thus far. Not everyone was meant to love you and not everyone was assigned to stay with you forever. Each has a purpose, each has a time.

Life is indeed a circle, what’s inside is more important than what’s outside. Regardless of size or origin, every circle has the potential to morph into something else: bigger, dangerous, friendly etc.

Do not under or over estimate any circle, a circle of one with itself is still a might force.


In response to the daily prompt – Alma Mater.

You’ve been asked to speak at your high school alma mater — about the path of life. (Whoa.) Draft the speech.