Last words

See the source imageFear not, I am not dying, as interesting (read that as tough) as the year has been, we’ve still got air in our lungs, the mind box is still functional, (at least I think so, we will soon establish  that theory at the end of this post). And no this is not a new year resolution post, rather it’s a post to get off my chest something it has been brewing for a while now.

Through the course of the year I have been fortunate/unfortunate to read a lot of social media posts on marriage, relationships and the general emotional upheave that seems bent on denting the ideology that men and women can coexist peacefully under a contractual agreement. I have often been tempted to write an article, or comment in response to these posts. Something along the lines of ‘…..a good man would never treat ….., a good woman would always …..’, and every single time my mind reminds me of how subjective that thought or idea was. 

Reading  peoples comments often helps me see clearly, other times it enrages me, especially when they make references to bible passages, taking them out of context or simply imposing their thoughts on the scripture. A very good example is the Proverb 31 woman, who from people’s comment I deduce is a docile wife, but formidable business woman. A woman with a firm lid on her emotions in her husbands presence, (no anger, no disappointment, no tiredness, basically no negative emotions when he’s around). People assume her husbands delight in her stems from her ability to walk/work as his clone, someone who avails him of the opportunity to be in two different places at once, without being a UFO. 

Others refer to scriptures on the husband that point out his headship, but ignore other blatant truths in the same scripture. An example is the instruction for every leader to serve his followers, placing leaders at the bottom of the ladder. Another one places a demand on husbands, urging them to love their wifes’ in a deeply sacrificial way. However, this post is not about the husband or wife, it is about being a consistently good human. 

Every human should aim to be kind, good, peaceful, gentle, joyful, peaceful, tolerant,See the source image forbearance, loyal, and above self-controlled. This human can be a husband, wife, business owner, ruler, son, daughter, mother, father, neighbour. A human who places this standards as the minimal bases for human interaction, will be a good ….. (affix your own label). They will exhibit these traits at the very core of their interaction, every other behaviour will be subjective to the prevailing circumstances. And, because they are human, they will fall short sometimes, but they will right themselves again.

What makes you a good husband or wife is not in how expertly you respect (but secretly scorn) your partner, it’s not in how expertly you love (but secretly degrade) your partner. What makes you a good husband or wife, lies is how good you are as a person. How far you would go chasing perfection (refer to the above subjective interpretation of proverbs 31 and the husbands roles) at the expense of the real person wearing that ring you slipped on their fingers. How far would you go chasing your dreams at the expense of the other person who signed up to be your team mate, (meaning no ones dream gets abandoned intentionally or without acknowledgement at the starting whistle) and not just a cheerleader. An ambassador (both spouses should be representatives of the family but still individuals in their own rights) not just a clone.

In 2019 be a good person, be consistent.

 

Be U

Be motivated!

Be self motivated!!

Did you hear me?

I said, Be self motivated!!!

When I was younger I was always told to look for the light at the end of a tunnel. It was a way of encouraging patience in a teenager, of making us learn to work at things till they were fully formed. In some form it also encouraged delayed gratification ,but I presume some others might view it as a coping mechanism for the feeble. A way to numb the mind to unpleasant situations. It is perhaps for this reason that another version of the quote had to be created and it goes thus,

‘I got tired of waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, I lit the place up.’

A tunnel is a passageway dug underground by man or animals, it often has both an exit and an entrance. Going through a tunnel situation in life, is to get stuck underground/hidden by a difficult situation. Moles live underground in tunnels, they are solitary animals with poor eyesight. Moles sense the presence of other animals using their snouts but  they are unable to see theses animals clearly.  Though these adaptive features might seem like a barrier to a fun filled life, it is a preservation mechanism for the mole. I suppose we could learn a lesson from the mole, if it decides to light up the tunnel what would happen to it? 

mole-animal-wikipedia-the-free-encyclopedia
Free images on bing

 

I suppose it  would be able to spot other animals easily (predator, prey and friends alike), on the other hand the light might also expose the mole to new predators. The light might also throw the mole off it’s natural clock, as moles are known to work and rest in alternate four hour shifts. Granted we are not moles, however, life has a way of weaving the lessons into the tendrils of our surrounding. Lighting up the tunnel isn’t a problem, but doing so as a mark of self sufficiency, a defiance of natures cycle seems like a conveyor belt  heading towards emotional zombie land.

Be motivated, be self motivated, but do not strive to be self sufficient. To have the right skills, right timing, right lighting, right opportunity, speak the right words….. Everything right, courtesy of our personal endeavours. Don’t get me wrong, self-sufficiency is an admirable trait, one that actually acknowledges it’s need for help or support when necessary.  

My husband often starts every observation with these words ‘If it were me, I won’t/would have …’ , and 9/10 times it rubs me the wrong way. I finally discovered why the statement annoys me, it rustles up the competitive side of me. The problem with an overwhelming sense of self -sufficiency is that it magnifies your weakness when no one is looking. It makes you sensitive to things that perhaps shouldn’t raise the hairs on your skin. Everyone is different and your area of weakness might not be mine. Asking for help or turning circumstances around to protect your mental or physical well being isn’t weakness. It is an acknowledgement of your reality and how best to make it work such that you don’t endure the present while reaching for that bright future.

Work by principles not recommendations subject to individual attributes. For example; the saying ‘there is light at the end of the tunnel,’ stands a higher chance of being true and standing the test of time than ‘light the tunnel up’ as the second is subject to many variables and stands the chance of boomeranging.

Be motivated!

Be self-motivated!!

But do not neglect the push that another pair of hands can provide. Do not look down on others if they ask for support. Social media has taught us to out-source the issues that are subjective to personal choices eg fashion, what success is, how love should make us feel, etc. However, on the areas that matter; jobs, what love should and shouldn’t do to us, areas where we might need and should seek support we have decided to play Rambo, to keep it all tucked in shut. On the flipside some of us decide to turn it into a movie, for everyone to watch. 

Be motivated!

Be self-motivated!! 

But don’t become wrapped up in self, such that the world shrivels before you and all you see are your eyeballs. Be self motivated – be balanced.

Be U …. open to support, different thoughts etc. 

 

From 2017 with love

Dear CHIOMA,

It’s good to see you once again at the brink of a new dawn; it is interesting to see how you have faired through your journey. I remember the last time we met, you had some doubts about the future but I was certain the end had drawn neigh for you. Alas we both forgot the one who stands before and within you, me moreso than you. I will never forget the moment He interrupted our dance, the moment our little tete a tete spun out of my control and settled nicely into His. Darn Him for having your deep seated attention.

All the same I will always cherish my little victories; moments when you cried, moments when you made a mountain out of a mole hill, times when you swore never to hope again. But like every good thing those moments came swiftly to an end and you sprang back into action despite your scars. If I hadn’t promised to feast on your joy I would have cheered for you and the strength that brought you to where you’re right now. Things never seem to go my way, and it’s all because of those silly words, you know the ones

‘all things work together for the good of them that love the lord blah blah blah….’

It was still fun watching you stumble and fall while you learnt the lessons He cleverly scripted into my scheme. Like when you learnt to not fear the worst possible outcome in that particular situation. I had hoped to hold that over you, to riddle you with guilt, shame, and despair. You mortals often feel failure is the end, the truth as you have learnt is rather much simpler. ‘The acceptance of failure as defined by oneself or society as an identity is the end.’ If you reject the label, the identity then you can rewrite the end of your story, which in real terms never ends until you breath your last. I guess once you discovered that lesson my grip on your reality took a nose dive.

But I still had to try, didn’t I? I mean it’s not a victory until your opponent fails to rise again and by jove that’s what you kept doing. 20171226_151906.jpgAnd as you watched your daughters bubbles fall to the ground rather than rise into the skies you acknowledged the single truth that time, chance and motive is indeed all that separates heroes from villains, mediocrity from success. You understood that though the bubbles had the inherent ability to soar they lacked the momentum and conducive environment to rise into the sky. But you also learnt that fallen bubbles regardless of stagnant conditions harbour an ability to bring joy to a little girl as she popped them even in the harsh winter breeze. Again it reminds me of words from that book again,

‘for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.’

I am not a sore looser or at least I like to think I am not but I have to say I am not pleased you got away. You can be sure  I will be visiting you again although my name will be a bit different.

Goodbye from sultry seven

Get ready to welcome sexy Eight.

 

Self potrait

Blue, a soothing deep blue colour. A wave of calm washes over you, visually the mind draws strength from the calm contained powers of a water body at rest. Rest, calm, still… yes those words describe the water before me. Restful but not empty, calm but not devoid of darkness, still but not dead. Planktoons float through, fishes swim the depths, boats rest atop. Still but not dead. A home for one, a leisure habitat for another. A safe play pen for the skilled, a death wish for the unskilled. A potential dumping ground for the manufacturing tycoon, a harvest field for the agricultural tycoon.

Sitting on the pier, it dawns on me that such is my life many things to different people. I cannot change the lens that captures my depth; I cannot change the lens but I will guard my reality from poisonous words. Float the poison off and sink in the truth. Polish my lens for the season changes so does the image.

See you soon water body, for me you’ve been strength.


In response to the writing challenge flash fiction for aspiring writers hosted by Priceless Joy click on the link to visit the blog. The photograph is from the lovely Barb CT (interesting photo can’t wait to see all the stories it inspires) and the challenge is to write a 100 – 150 words (+/- 25 words) story inspired by it. Do click on the link for other stories. 

 

 

Outside inwards

I am not afraid to say with a loud voice affliction will not arise a second time.

I am not afraid to condemn every tongue that rises against me.

I am not afraid to decree that if God be for me who shall be against me.

But I am afraid to decree victory is mine as I must fight a battle in order to gain victory. Battles within my own flesh, battles that require discipline. Battles that demand that I concentrate on improving what I have and not envying my neighbors lot.

I am afraid to scream victory is mine for it might come at an expensive price, I price I might be unwilling to pay.

Thus, I will focus on my neighbors, the society, on religion.

I will keep them at bay, I will fight them while the monster within runs amok perhaps no one will notice.


Note: true religion is a lifestyle. A consistent, balanced, not erratic and certainly not a destructive lifestyle.

Life is …. #13

Life is … a voyage.

Where the journey began

Remains a mystery for some, but not for others.

Where we end up depends on the master plan

Those who understand survive, those who don’t suffer.

Life is … a voyage.

Each journey has a destined harbour,

We only find peace when anchored there.

 Guided by the vision within, we seek departure,

Hanging unto hope and a prayer.

Pixabay free images.

Life is … a voyage.

When the tempest stirs our soul,

And we see our lifelines sink like stones.

Guided once again by the light pole,

We find healing for our weary bones.

Life is …. a voyage.

With waves of emotions coursing through our veins

And our dreams abandoning ship.

Doubt becomes the captain breaking its’ chains,

But like a compass knows North, our focus must not slip.

…….. This too shall pass and soon you will find your harbour.

Pixabay free images

Written for the Flash fiction for aspiring writers tribute for Barbara Beacham the host of Mondays finish the story writing challenge who has sailed on to her final destination. Be well … Her signature at the end of every message.

Also written for the life is … series. This is the thirteenth edition and I would love to hear your thoughts on life is … a voyage.

Edited.

 

 

Life is … #12

Life is … like a new bath tub.

Covered in slim or dirt we step into it, clean and refreshed we emerge.

The tub has no inherent power to change us, what we put into it and how meticulously we wash determines how clean we emerge.

When we fail to wash the tub we let the grim/dirt of the past contaminate our present cleansing.

Thus if we feel dirty or unclean after a bath perhaps you have failed to clean the bath or failed to examine what you put into the bath.


Hi there, thank you for stopping by today. This is the twelfth edition of my ‘life is’ series where I try to relate life to different things in society. Would love to hear your thoughts on life is … a bath tub. 

 

Love is an exercise in balance.

To love another or anything is to do what’s best for them or you under any given circumstance, it requires a balanced personality.

It might mean walking away today or staying an extra day tomorrow. Saying NO today in order to lay the right foundation for tomorrow. It never depends on falsehoods, no matter  the reason falsehood always taints the end result.

To love obsessively or to withhold love is not love at all, each scenario obstructs our ability to make the right choice for all involved.

Happy Monday people, let love lead the way through this week.

And in the spirit of love, try not to take offence too often this week. Let some things wash off you like water off a ducks back, pick your battles wisely. (The last part is strictly a reminder to myself.)fence

 In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “I Want to Know What Love Is.”