And the princess put on her glass slippers and went to work.

I remember hearing the story of a woman who left her husband and family to start a new life at age 67. I remember wondering at the time what was going through her mind as she made such a life-changing decision. A few months before she left home, the woman had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and it is believed this must have ignited the flames of her decision.


Questions: was she in a loving relationship? Did she have a caring family? Was she already unhappy? Did she feel like a burden to the family? Did she just want a new life and no one was able or willing to go with her? Did it sound unreasonable to everyone?
From the above questions, there is only one question anyone other than the woman and her family can answer truthfully and with certainty. That is the last question; how reasonable does this decision sound to you? The answer will be subject to your perspective, preferences and priorities in life.


Will Smith in an interview said something I find very profound: “you can never succeed your way out of childhood trauma, you heal it by doing something for others.” (this is paraphrased and I could not share the link, but it is on Instagram).
In my own words, I translate the above to mean “you can not silence a disgruntled or hurtful inner voice through external results, you calm it by seeking answers, but more importantly pursuing peace.”


Answers to past misgivings or reasons for why they happened are important steps for bringing closure. They help you understand the people involved, to determine how you want to relate with them going forward. It is important to note that no answer, is an answer in itself. And when you get the answer or you’ve done all you can to get the answers, please pursue inner peace with even greater zeal.


Ideally, one should never say to a traumatized victim, let’s pretend that never happened. Or it was all his/her fault and none of yours. Or it was all your (the victims) fault. We could never say this to car crash victims, so why do we say it to emotional, physical or domestic abuse victims. Like an ambulance team at the scene what you need are the facts, the contributing factors and a way forward.


Nothing resurrects childhood trauma’s like having your own children. They remind you of everything that happened in vivid images. This becomes more problematic if you haven’t found healing or moved on from the situation. You want to take them away from anything that might trigger the past again, you begin to hyperventilate and imagine the worst when any shadows from the past seem to cast a gaze over them. In other to silence that inner voice, to find peace and hope for growth, some questions will need direct answers, some places might need to be forgotten. People say love is a powerful motivator, I say fear is an even stronger one.


Considering the above, I would like to ask your thoughts on Harry and Meghan’s decision for their future? How do you resolve your inner voice conflicts?


The papers would have us believe that Thomas Merkle (Meghan’s) dad believes she has just made useless every girl’s fantasy of marrying a prince and living happily ever after. And to him I send this reply and listen carefully Sir, for I shall only say this once:


“THAT SHIP HAS SAILED!” And logistically speaking the number of princes around cannot go round the entire female population in the world. Unless we are aiming to beat King Solomon’s records. Women now wine and dine their ‘princes’, taking the higher road and letting the men curb crawl as they please. knight-1598250_1280 (1)Women now wear the swords and shields of financial responsibility, the helmet of logic and organisational skills, and a firm boot of brass to kick the ‘prince’ totally off the curb, should he start to ask for more than he’s worth, not pull his assigned weight or complicate his duties in the ‘other room.’ For those who still want a prince in the old fashioned sense, have had a rude awakening to the reality that some princes no longer want to be princes in that capacity, and some just can’t be those type of princes due to several changes in society.


I perhaps in my naivety, believe that the mark of a true prince is to put the needs of his followers above his. In this light, you Sir Thomas if you have ever been a prince, through this statement and several others in the past, it is clear that you have fallen down the slopes of nobility.


What say ye, my people?
Is Harry a prince amongst his pears or not?
I raise my tankard of ale to Prince Harry, his bean and their wee bairn.
God save the queen
God save all mankind.

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Happy new year

Happy new year!

I guess in every sense of the word it is indeed a new year for me as a blogger. Today marks my fifth year on WordPress. I haven’t been ‘actively’ around in the last 2 – 3 years, life has happened, life is happening and I am sure it will carry on happening for a long while yet. But before I get carried away to the land of reminiscence permit me once more to say, happy new year again!


The last few years have been filled with so many lessons to learn and many more to unlearn. As 2020 arrived, I had only one request on my heart, to have perfect vision. To see the obvious, to decipher the hidden and to lead my heart to better days. January is almost over, there are lessons to be reviewed and thoughts to be weighed.


Lesson one: stop overthinking. When something happens, accept your responsibility in the sequence of event, admit the culpability of others involved. Overthinking: trying to decipher others intent without speaking to them, often this leads to gossip or to wish you could get back at them. Determine: to take the lessons learnt or steps discovered forward. To see people as humans who are either whole, broken, insecure, arrogant or just plain toxic.


Lesson two: accept that confidence and self- confidence are not necessarily the same things. Accept that many people don’t necessarily know the difference between both terms. Acknowledge that most people in today’s world consider the extreme of confidence i.e. arrogance to be the confidence. knowing one’s weakness in an area is not a limitation in all areas. It is self-confidence to know one’s weakness, to accept the implications of this weakness, to decipher if they’re changeable or not. This limitation should not drive you to over-compensate in other areas. Everyone has weaknesses. Simply decide: to put in your best at all times, to continually learn, to grow your strengths and develop your weaknesses were possible. Determine: not to base your sense of worth on your performance in front of others, you’re an individual not a character in a play.

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It is confidence to know when to walk alone and when to walk with another.

In 2020, Balance is key.

Goal: to always see the woods for the trees.

To know what counts each day, each season and to max out the counts.

Happy new year again!

What have you done with your year so far?

 

 

I see you

I see you,

yes you, with eyes so deep, oceans rise in them.

I see you,

yes you, with tears so silent, dropping pins echo through.

Yes YOU, with a smile so bright, the sun stands in awe.

I see you.

Yes you, having a day, a moment.

I see you,

grappling through the dust for air,

stripping the words for a vowel of hope.

I see you,

Yes you, it’s a moment, a day,

it will pass, and hope will fill your words again.

I see you,

Yes YOU.

flowers
copyright N.chioma

 

The view

1999: A home with a view that’s all I wanted, was that too much to ask for? 

2005: my life changed, my view was altered; I was thankful to be alive.

I hope to never witness another dialogue between the concrete jungles of a neighbourhood and the weapons of mans struggle to subjugate another, I hope my view stays the same.

three line tales week 136: camping
Picture by Tyler Nix via unsplash

Written for three line tales challenge hosted by Sonya. Click on this link to join in.

Beautifully ugly

Dress: £50 from Dorothy Perkins

Shoes: £18 from Next

Coat: £50 from River Island

Jewellery: £20 from New look

Perfume: Chanel No 5 (a gift from dad)

Total: £138

She walked through the door all poised and calm. Her name was Twin A. She asked how my day had been and wished me a lovely night. I held her coat as delicately as she had treated my position.

Dress: £50 from House of Frasier

Shoes: £20 from Next

Coat: £60 from M & S

Jewellery: £20 from New look

Perfume: Carolina Herrera (gift from dad)

Total: £150

She walked through the door all poised and calm. Her name was Twin B. She gave me her coat, and walked through to the other guests. I held her coat as impersonally as she treated me. 

It’s as ma said, “we’re all the same, the heart is all that makes us different. It don’t matter what you wear, or where you sleep, with a bit of cash you might find yourself a happy neighbour to professor Higgins.”


Written for Flash fiction for aspiring writers challenge. Hope it makes sense. Click on the link to read other stories and on this link to join in.

Aurora;my light.

“Dinachi! wake-up.”

“Stop joor. I can hear you and I wasn’t sleeping.”

Chuckling “You were not sleeping, just shielding your eyes from the piercing darkness abi?”

“I have had a hectic night shift, I don’t think my brain has the capacity for these your riddles yet.”

“You’re the one with all the riddles oh, lying there screaming at grandma in your sleep. It was really creep.”

“I wasn’t dreaming, just admit you woke me up for a cuddle.” with a grin he stretched to make room on the couch.

With the flick of a switch, she retreated to his heart.

 

 

 


Written for Friday fictioneers are writing group/challenge hosted by the lovely Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. It has been a while I have written a story and I loved writing this one hope you love it too. Please click on this link to read other stories and on this one to join the fun. (Have a go!)

Coloured people

I remember reading an article on teaching children how to share and play nicely with each other. The writer made an important observation, as adults we rarely feel enthused to share our partners, our cars, our homes, our time. Why do we feel the immense need to teach children to share everything they have? Are we indirectly teaching them to always give in to people because they asked nicely? Because they have held the item way too long? Are indirectly teaching them to say yes to every request, feeling the need to only say No when supported by someone or justified by external factors?

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The above line of thought perhaps sounds selfish, however, if you think in terms of long- term, it perhaps might help curb the sense of entitlement growing with every generation.

I want it simply because they have it. If they have, I should also have it.

I need it because it seems to make everyone who has it cool or happy.

Take from the rich and give the poor. etc.

Dignity in labour dwindles, jobs disappear, as popularity contests and get rich schemes flood the world like a tornado. Delayed gratification is now the ghost of eras sailed by and contentment is a rainbow that appears where death almost over-powers life. With every individual fighting to do life their way, it is not uncommon to find someone feeling disenfranchised at each turn.

Today, Idris Alba put up a tweet that has everyone speculating on the possibility of a black James Bond showing up on our screens.  For some this is a good reason to celebrate, to do cartwheels, while popping champagne. It would be considered a rectifying of the odds, a balancing of the scales, considered a victory in the same vein as the appearance of a female Dr Who.  However, I can’t help feeling sad for the child (a)who has to share every toy to keep the other child(b) happy. I can’t help wondering if child (b) hasn’t short-changed themselves by believing that happiness or fulfilment could only be found in having the exact toy child (a) has. 


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While I acknowledge and totally commend the strides taken to include a black bond, a female Dr who and a bat-woman, I can’t help wondering if we are winning the battle but losing the war. For the migrant on the street the war is far from over. For the jobseeker at the interview, for whom the scales tip once a minority trait is discovered, these victories matter not. We scream inclusion, but what we really have are ropes tying us up, with our bias and fears at the brink of explosion. We are all coloured, by our preferences, our thoughts, and cultures. Until we accept it and find self-acceptance we will continuously rub each other wrong. 

We all need to accept that being human is all (those that look like us and those who don’t) we really have in common. We need to embrace what we have and hold it up proudly without oppressing another. Child (a) needs to learn that sharing isn’t always about handing the toy over to the other child, it might mean going home with child (b) to explore and improve their own toys without self-serving interests. Child (b) must learn to find contentment in themselves, to walk their path boldly with dignity and respect. 

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We need to co-exist, not clone-exist

Our eyes tell a different story, so do the pages of our life,

Of what relevance is history, if today is a retelling of  yesterday,

bid me sleep, to dream another shade of tomorrow

another fragrance of the night breeze.

 

A crash course on life: lesson 2 -7

So I was going to do a week by week update, however, I find that some of these lessons rolled along into other weeks. Hence, I will give a summary of all the lessons learned from week 2 – 7,

a. Your principles can be an affront to many: there is a saying back home in Nigeria, “You’re not jollof rice, so stop trying to please everyone“, Jolof rice is a tasty rice meal that serves as a staple meal for all occasions. Adults and children alike love jollof rice, people have been known to take bowls to parties just to steal large servings of the meal away. However as pleasant as the meal is there are still people who do not like it or there are times when it doesn’t appeal to our taste buds. In like manner, we must accept that our lifestyle choices will always confront or challenge others, sometimes without us saying a word.

b. Do not give people the weapon they need to harm you: I often talk to myself when I am stressed or trying to think things through. Somewhere within this seven-week period, I think my mumbling offended an ‘unintended’ eavesdropper. Rather than talk to me about it, the Chinese whispers chain was set up and a wall was laid. Seeing as people pleasing isn’t a skill I aspire to, (I believe it only equips bullies and manipulators with the license to rob you blind) I found myself in the difficult position of trying my best, but still being ridiculed in a very unkind manner. Thus, note to self always ensure you are alone when consulting with yourself.
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c. Avoid the need to tell tales: this ranges from sharing your problems with people to divulging seemingly irrelevant details of another person’s life to a third party. They say a problem shared is a problem half solved; I say a problem shared with the wrong person is a problem at the very least half-doubled. For example, I said to someone that I still breastfed my eight-month-old and the advise given was to stop breastfeeding as it might stress my work life.

On the surface, this is a fair and seemingly honest/harmless comment, however, legally I am entitled to certain rights in the workplace as a breastfeeding mother and no provision was made for this. I do not hold this against anyone as I never asked for those changes to be made. And I did not do so as I assumed that a.) I would be able to express enough and the baby would be fine. b.) that seven weeks would fly by quickly. Taking that advice would have meant my lactose intolerant baby would not only be deprived of his mum but would have to go through the stress of adapting to meals and changes before he was ready to.

People will advise you from their own experience. Their fears, triumphs, and disappointment. Be careful not to rewrite your story based on their manuscript, sift the principle and move on.

d.) If you don’t drop the crumbs the birds won’t come: leading on from point C if you don’t divulge anything over time people will get bored and move on with their own lives. If you don’t want their input simply don’t tell them stuff. I find it interesting when people ask for an opinion and then get angry at what’s offered. However, to the individual being asked, try to give advice based on principles not based on what you would do or how you would like it. It might be a lonely and somewhat hectic place to be, but at least you can control what circles your life moves in and the words you speak.

e.) Finally, keep your eyes on the prize at all times: do your best to eliminate every distraction, chose your battles wisely, chose your weapons even more carefully. Above everything else identify your weaknesses and try to get over them. Deal with your personal bias as it helps you forgive others their own.

360 degrees

I set my love to flight, I gave it wings to fly,

I set my love to flight, it came back battered and bruised

I set my love to flight, I found myself aglow.

tltweek125

Photo by Erik Witsoe via Unsplash

About the title: when we love, well they say it comes back to us.


Written for Sonya’s three line tales week 125.