Understanding the word – Understand.

Tense, mentally poised for the worst possible outcome, emotionally hoping for the best, I watched him wriggle in the bed. His kids, the housekeeper described him as cantankerous, he was giving everyone a headache, didn’t want to stay in bed and just generally a pain. The first hour went by with relatively no issues, but at the start of the second hour, Mr. Dempsey acted as everyone had described. I was ready to gently restrain him, to inform him of the need to stay calm in bed. For some reason, I heard myself ask ‘what is the problem, Mr. Dempsey?’ More interestingly I found myself desirous to hear his reason for wanting to leave the bed. Turns out he needed to use the restroom and so became our pattern through the day, he would move, I would ask, we would work to sort the problem. I wondered where the cantankerous man had gone; perhaps his mumbled words didn’t help, perhaps others had been impatient. Perhaps he had grown frustrated, perhaps they had focused on the objective (keep him in bed) and forgotten the person. Perhaps neither had tried to understand each other, thus each others objective was buried under a cloud of misdirected communication.

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Definition of the word understand:

  • perceive the intended meaning of (words, a language, or a speaker). This definition concentrates on the speaker.
  • interpret or view (something) in a particular way. This definition concentrates on the hearers’ mindset.

More often than not individuals tend the practice the latter definition rather than the former. We have a subjective idea or view of the other persons view and thoughts, thus when we see what we want to see in their actions or see what we think they want us to see, we feel understood. This makes it possible for us to confuse a demonstration of obedience to a set of instructions as an understanding of said instructions, one is deemed to have understood an instruction if they carry out the instructions instantly. Under certain conditions, this would be true but it is not a universal indication of true understanding. Lapses within this view of understanding become apparent when one has to replicate said instructions under different circumstances or without supervision. It becomes a challenge as life never gives you the same exact situations all the time; different people, different circumstances, and even a different you.

The second problem with misplacing obedience with understanding is demonstrated by the story in the first paragraph, we go into the situation with a truckload of bias and skewered vision. This taints how we manage the situation and perhaps puts us in a position primed for failure rather than success. Instructions should simply be guidelines, tested drives for success, however, as life never wakes up with the same face each day we must be ready to help her ‘.i.e our life’ look the best she can working with what she has.

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Finally, a lack of proper understanding breeds contempt. A need to become the one who calls the shots. And thus the cycle of misunderstanding replicates itself. In the story (refer back to the first paragraph) simply choosing to understand the other person, (and I don’t mean interpreting the facts based on your mindset) made a supposedly difficult situation more manageable. Mr. Dempsey feels supported in a respectful way, his mistrust of the carers intention to simply keep him in bed regardless of his needs is erased. The carers objectives and sense of purpose are achieved with elevated levels of confidence.

His side: I want to take of my personal needs without being stuck here all day.

Carers side: I need to ensure you stay in  bed to avoid any risk to your health.

Truth:

  • Mr. Dempsey has to stay in bed for medical reasons. 
  • There are certain things that can be done to make Mr. Dempsey’s stay in bed less annoying.
  • No matter what is done the situation will still have some level of unpleasantness, however until Mr. Dempsey is better not much can be done about it. So everyone needs to be more tolerant.

It goes without saying that life we’ll not always be easier just because we understand each other, however, understanding takes away a lot of power tussle, mental exertion, and misdirection.

Understanding opens the door to a room of possibilities and shuts the window to a whirlwind of mistrust.

Sometimes Its better to keep silent than to tell others what you feel,
Because it hurts badly when you come to know that, they can hear you But can not understand!


It’s been a week of growth and stretching for me, one that has shown me the inadequate depths of my understanding. I am hoping that by sharing this with you I will hold myself more accountable to understanding people.

Have a blessed week folks.

Disclaimer: the story in paragraph one is purely based on fiction any semblance to real life stories is purely a coincidence.

A weed for a friend.

“Become friendly and spending time with someone.”

The above definition of buddy doesn’t sit quite right with me, ‘become friendly’ sounds like a compelled action, a mandate, a self-motivated desire with more for you to gain and little or no sincere regard for the others personality or choices. 

friends

Genuine friendships blossom over time, I definitely can’t say that there is a right or wrong way for friendships to blossom, however I believe if it’s going to have a shot at longevity it has to grow at a comfortable pace for all parties involved.

friends and weed

It’s very important to let our friendships evolve overtime, don’t get rushed into anything. I know this is cliche but it is true ‘if people are meant to be in your life they will be’. Take as much time as you need to find and build a strong genuine connection, based on shared principles, ideologies and not just on needs or any of the other self satisfying reason. 

true buddy

A true buddy; like a puppy, like weed is resilient, riding out the seasons. They might never say much, but the connection to the core of friendship vibrates beneath the silence. 

A bud: a compact knob-like growth on a plant which develops into a leaf, flower, or shoot.

My defintion: something with the potential to grow.

Dy: from latin word dyo, which means two.

So buddy equals two buds.

Buddy

  

Four in a ship.

One for youth,

Two for growth,

Three and four for comfort.

One for love,

Two for loyalty,

Three and four for light heartedness, bringing sunshine to gloomy days.

My friends and I sail through life on a ship built from trials and triumph.

Like the time Mimi’s parents got divorced, we spent the night camping in her back garden to drive the sadness out of the house, leaving only happy thoughts for the future. I think it really worked.

Or when Molly’s puppy got lost we searched for days, made flyers on Jasmines’ computer, searched the entire neighbourhood for days. We didn’t find him, but we did put our piggy bank savings together and got her a puppy from the pet zoo for Christmas.

Today we mourn my loss: three beautiful babies who never saw the light of day. Then we dance, wave our hands in the air as we celebrate the little one who finally stayed with me, with us.

Her name is Alva … a wise friend, nurtured by friends, birthed by friends.


In response to the writing challenge flash fiction for aspiring writers hosted by Priceless Joy click on the link to visit the blog. The photograph was provided by etol bagam and the challenge is to write a 100 – 150 words (+/- 25 words) story inspired by it. Do click on the link for other stories.

Written for Nablopomo day twenty-four.

Thank you for stopping by.

The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

 

Sisterhood-ImageHappy Sunday folks, I am guessing not a lot of people will be happy it’s Sunday seeing as Monday will be making an appearance in less than 24 hours. Smile it’s still a New day. Ok! straight to business, today I am excited to receive the sisterhood of the world bloggers award. Excited because I know how amazing sisters can be and even more so because Millie Tom who nominated me has been an awesome fairy blog mother, she also led me to an awesome fairy blog sister Louise.  Thank you Millie for the nomination and as you would say enough faffing straight to business.Slide1

  1. Thank the giver and link their blog to your post.  (done)
  2. Answer the 10 questions given to you.
  3. Pass the award on to ‘N’ (as many as you want) other bloggers of your choice and let them know that they have been nominated.
  4. Give your nominees 10 of your own questions to answer.
  5. Include the logo of the award in a post or on your blog (first image above)

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1. How would you describe what your blog is about?

My blog is simply a depiction of my thoughts, reflections and imagination on a variety of issues. Thus you could find stories on some days, quotes on another and a whole lot of other things in between.

2. Do you see your blog changing (as in expanding or developing in any way) at some stage in the future?

Well, I hope so.

3. Do you write your blog posts straight onto the WordPress page or onto a word document first? 

I do a bit of both: for spontaneous ideas I write straight into wordpress and for things that take time to formulate I write in Microsoft word.

4.  When you write do you need to be on your own or are you happy to write with others around you?

Emmm …. my daughter is a very present ‘help’ where ever I am so I have learnt and I am still learning to write, talk and entertain at once.

5. Which is your favourite species of tree, and why do you like it?

Don’t really have one.

6.  If you were to have a day out somewhere easily reachable from your home, where would it be?

The park … I love playing with my daughter, watching her cautiously explore or try to kick the ball is fun.

7.  Which ‘celebration’ (annual or otherwise) in the country where you live do you enjoy the most?

Christmas.

8.  Which way would you choose to travel, given the choice: car or train?

Train. I think it offers a lot more to observe: fellow passengers, the scenery and I don’t have to worry about sleeping off whilst the driver stays awake bored. That’s if I am not the one driving.

9. Which subject did you enjoy the most at school?

Biology.

10. What do you think is the best thing about being a woman today?

The ability to make my own choices and own my decisions: not always fun, but at least this way I discover myself as well.

Now for my questions: Sorry they will dwell more on the topic of sisterhood.

  • Define sisterhood.
  • What are your thoughts on giving false compliments? (Compliments that are not really true but are still given)
  • Are women more competitive amongst themselves than men?
  • Explain the thoughts behind the above answer
  • When a guy cheats, is the other culprit (whoever he slept with) devoid of blame?
  • Do you prefer working with a woman or man, why?
  • Please rephrase the sentence “Women need men …” 
  • Is your blog content tailored for a particular gender?
  • Complete the sentence, if women ruled the world …..
  • What does beauty mean to you?

My nominees are:

Jacqueline at acookingpotandtwistedtales

maynotbesoannonymous at riddlesandpens

Laurien at solothefirst

Jessica at notsotypicalblog

Mandibelle at mandibelle16

Madamsabi at madamsabi

Sam and Kelly at coffeeandtwigs

Chloe blades at whatasuperworld