Where we got it wrong … African mothers and daughters. Pt 3

I woke up today not feeling very motivated or excited to write, but then I remembered this phrase ‘it’s better to quit on a good day than on a bad one because you would always wonder if you gave it everything.’ That’s a rephrase of the quote ‘leave the stage on the highest ovation’. Anyway enough pep talk, now to the final edition of this write up, if you would like to catch up on the earlier editions do click on the links here and here.

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Myth number three

It is your duty to keep him interested … hmmmm.

This works both ways.

Need I say more? The human body was designed to change over time, it wasn’t meant to stay stuck in one mode. A man or woman who wants to stay with you will stay with you, it is that simple. With each passing day you will meet people who, do things better than your spouse in different areas. It doesn’t necessarily mean you guys would work out as a better couple in the long run. It’s funny how people stay committed to a job/business/school/adventure even when it bores them to the tears, but when it comes to staying true to love, we bolt once the honeymoon wanes and it’s no longer perfect. 

Making changes to suit your partner should be a two way street, you must also be willing to change to suit him/her. “You shouldn’t be demanding a Victoria secrets model, unless you are built like an athlete.” (lonelyauthor) Click on this link for an article that explains how I think both partners should view their relationship. It should be a place of acceptance for the things we can’t realistically help.

‘it’s better to quit on a good day than on a bad one because you would always wonder if you gave it everything.’

Myth number four:

You should give him a son; honestly mum I would if I could only find where I was hiding him. The last time I checked he was in heaven with God. Children are a heritage from God; their sex, personality and future can be shaped by parents, but a large percentage of that  has been set-up ways before they showed up here. 

Medical research has also shown that the Y chromosome housed by the man determines the sex of a child. If anyone should be held to ransom over this ‘give me a son charge’ ideally it should be God and man/male spouse. However, I don’t think assigning blame helps in this situation, exploring options and answers should be done with an open-mind. Children are a gift, though unlike Santa God doesn’t give us gifts because we’ve been good and he doesn’t hold them back because we’ve been bad. God’s gives us gifts simply because he takes pleasure in doing so.

I pray we find peace with whatever life offers us; change it if you must, embrace it if you can, but don’t let  it eat you up.

Is a child still a gift even if it’s not of my loins or doesn’t come from the expected route? I will attempt to answer the above question with an example: if you bought a book from Amazon and I purchased the exact same book at the same price from a shop, does the point of purchase have any impact on the books value or it’s content? 

No.

I do not attempt to fully understand or belittle the harrows and pain surrounding the issue of conceiving a child, wanting a particular sex or being a parent, however, I pray we find peace with whatever life offers us. Change your life options if you must, embrace them if you can, but don’t let them eat you up inside. Inner peace is the only way I know to recover from every disappointment or hurdle.

I pray we learn to love, 

to love wholesomely

like wholegrain bread, our grains make us healthier. 

to love responsibly,

admitting where we erred and what we need,

to love respectfully

to value another is the greatest gift 

to love equally,

not like evens, but two odds making an even.

Thank you for sticking with us.