Where we got it wrong … African mothers and daughters. Pt 3

I woke up today not feeling very motivated or excited to write, but then I remembered this phrase ‘it’s better to quit on a good day than on a bad one because you would always wonder if you gave it everything.’ That’s a rephrase of the quote ‘leave the stage on the highest ovation’. Anyway enough pep talk, now to the final edition of this write up, if you would like to catch up on the earlier editions do click on the links here and here.

Myth number three

It is your duty to keep him interested … hmmmm.

This works both ways.

Need I say more? The human body was designed to change over time, it wasn’t meant to stay stuck in one mode. A man or woman who wants to stay with you will stay with you, it is that simple. With each passing day you will meet people who, do things better than your spouse in different areas. It doesn’t necessarily mean you guys would work out as a better couple in the long run. It’s funny how people stay committed to a job/business/school/adventure even when it bores them to the tears, but when it comes to staying true to love, we bolt once the honeymoon wanes and it’s no longer perfect. 

Making changes to suit your partner should be a two way street, you must also be willing to change to suit him/her. “You shouldn’t be demanding a Victoria secrets model, unless you are built like an athlete.” (lonelyauthor) Click on this link for an article that explains how I think both partners should view their relationship. It should be a place of acceptance for the things we can’t realistically help.

‘it’s better to quit on a good day than on a bad one because you would always wonder if you gave it everything.’

Myth number four:

You should give him a son; honestly mum I would if I could only find where I was hiding him. The last time I checked he was in heaven with God. Children are a heritage from God; their sex, personality and future can be shaped by parents, but a large percentage of that  has been set-up ways before they showed up here. 

Medical research has also shown that the Y chromosome housed by the man determines the sex of a child. If anyone should be held to ransom over this ‘give me a son charge’ ideally it should be God and man/male spouse. However, I don’t think assigning blame helps in this situation, exploring options and answers should be done with an open-mind. Children are a gift, though unlike Santa God doesn’t give us gifts because we’ve been good and he doesn’t hold them back because we’ve been bad. God’s gives us gifts simply because he takes pleasure in doing so.

I pray we find peace with whatever life offers us; change it if you must, embrace it if you can, but don’t let  it eat you up.

Is a child still a gift even if it’s not of my loins or doesn’t come from the expected route? I will attempt to answer the above question with an example: if you bought a book from Amazon and I purchased the exact same book at the same price from a shop, does the point of purchase have any impact on the books value or it’s content? 


I do not attempt to fully understand or belittle the harrows and pain surrounding the issue of conceiving a child, wanting a particular sex or being a parent, however, I pray we find peace with whatever life offers us. Change your life options if you must, embrace them if you can, but don’t let them eat you up inside. Inner peace is the only way I know to recover from every disappointment or hurdle.

I pray we learn to love, 

to love wholesomely

like wholegrain bread, our grains make us healthier. 

to love responsibly,

admitting where we erred and what we need,

to love respectfully

to value another is the greatest gift 

to love equally,

not like evens, but two odds making an even.

Thank you for sticking with us.

love fully


20 thoughts on “Where we got it wrong … African mothers and daughters. Pt 3

  1. You have some interesting myths here. Keep him interested?? Keeping a marriage or any relationship interesting is the responsibility of both persons. They should always try to keep things fresh and not fall into routines. Now the part of give the man a child, that thinking had led to one parent homes. A woman shouldn’t give a man a child until he has proven himself as loyal and responsible. Sorru, but that is how I see it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I could not agree more with you, both parties should do all they know to keep the relationship alive.
      Sadly back home a lot of people still believe that the woman is responsible for giving the man a male heir so to speak.And marriage with an income is seen as the ultimate sign of responsibility.
      To be honest it is to a large extent, but they fail to highlight that those commiment do not equal emotional or a loving commiment from the man.
      Thank you so much for the brilliant comment. XD

      Liked by 1 person

      1. What will it take to destroy these myths once and for all. Do you see how these myths always force a woman to be submissive? Force her into these roles society has set aside for them. Not right. By the way, I loved the post. Thanks for sharing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Honestly, it will take a lot as they are deeply ingrained in society. I guess the first step would be admitting they exist and discussing them.
        I don’t mind women being submissive as long as it’s to the right man of her choice. The right man being one who loves her enough to listen and honour her with his actions.
        Thank you so much reading and commenting.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. My pleasure. Yeah, if the woman is making these sacrifices for a man who appreciates her and respects her then I guess it is different. Please, let me know anything you have another one of these posts. I can’t trust the reader for finding them. And I don’t want to miss these. Thanks

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is beautifully written and obviously well thought out. You’ve always had that quiet soundness of mind. And yes, all the ups and downs in relationships goes both ways. I currently work with an organization that helps with adoption and i agree with you that a child is a child. Every thing else we attach to it is sentiments largely.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Captured nicely my dear … its all sentiments.
      Can I be honest? I wanted boys only because I thought girls would be scary to raise. XD
      But now as i raise my daughter I realise all I need to be is the best example I can be, pray for wisdom for the both of us and the rest (teenage hormonal drama) will take care of itself.


  3. Wow…Truth be told…An amazing write up…
    Both parties should be responsible…
    Also, how people stay committed to boring hard jobs, but can’t stay to fix their relationships…God help us…

    Liked by 1 person

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