I am very excited to share with you the musings of a remarkable writer and blogging friend Jessie Cross on attitudes in marriage. Yes people, this is a guest post one that I believe you’ll enjoy. Jessie is the owner/author of the blog Reflections of life’s journey with the tagline Lessons, Joys, Blessings, Friendships, Heartaches, Hardships , Special Moments. On her blog you will find interesting short stories, beautiful drawings and inspiring reflections on life’s events. Jessie has been married for wait for it … FIFTY-ONE-YEARS that my friends is a really loooong time and through this post she shares her thoughts on how to maintain the right attitude through the roller-coaster of marriage/relationships.
Attitude is a mindset or a tendency to act in a particular way due to both individual experience and temperament. A settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person’s behaviour. In psychology, an attitude is an expression of favour or disfavour toward a person, place, thing, or event (the attitude object) Attitude can be formed from a person’s past or present. An attitude includes three components: 1) an affect (a feeling) 2) cognition (a thought or belief) and 3) behaviour (an action).
Attitudes cause us to behave in a particular way toward an object or person. We can view a person’s attitude from his or her resulting behavior. Our attitudes are influenced by the social world and our social world is influenced by our attitudes. Some people were raised to believe that feelings were not to be shared, and perhaps told that their feelings were wrong. Attitudes, as well as desires, are more about who you are. They are matters of the heart.
IN REGARDS TO COUPLES:
In the face of difficulty it’s often easier to become negative, but positive attitudes and desires need to be cultivated, invited, encouraged, nurtured and consciously chosen over and over again. To cultivate positive attitudes and desire, focus on the positives in each other. Stop dwelling on negatives and shift your thinking to something positive. Think about your spouse’s positive qualities, things he or she does for your goodwill overall and things you appreciate about your spouse.
- What emotional needs allow your partner to feel loved? Make these recognizable as loving and caring.
- Spend time together and build your relationship with each other by tuning in to each other’s feelings and needs.
- Touch is healing and tender touch is a fundamental need for human beings. Express your fondness by touching each other affectionately. Your body is an extension of you and touching tenderly by your spouse is like touching and acknowledging you.
Your internal dialogue will help you approach your spouse in a more loving way even when discussing an issue that bothers you. Make sure your internal dialogue emphasizes friendship, fondness and goodwill. Look for the good in each other and put your partner’s needs before your own which will show how much you care and you want your spouse to feel respected and cherished.
Take responsibility for yourself and how you contribute to the relationship; to the problems and the strengths. Be willing to forgive and be willing to apologize sincerely and fully. Make sure your spouse feels heard, understood, and validated, included in your life, their opinions and feelings matter to you, they know that you are “tuned” in to them, and you are cultivating a desire for their happiness, freedom of choice, and well-being not just your own. You will find that your friendship, fondness and admiration for each other will get stronger over time.
However, when you change your attitudes and desires and put your relationship first, it will not be easy or simple.When you have a negative thought, make a point of replacing it with a positive thought. Stop being influenced with negative thoughts. The more you listen to negative people the less likely you are to think positive thoughts. Remember, the body will follow wherever the mind goes.
The attitude you reflect is important to your overall health. Positive thinkers are healthier and less stressed. It will also improve your immunity. Maintaining a good attitude will help you get through hard times. Be optimistic and look on the brighter side of life. Find solutions instead of problems and look for opportunities. Don’t dwell on your frustrations or things you can’t change. Have a plan of action and ask others for assistance and advice.
Always approach your relationship and life’s challenges with a positive outlook.
Jessie can be reached Via her blog or through the e-mails below:
Please keep your communication civil and respectful.